Gentle Reader, I have received a bit of blowback for my last post. It might cost me a friendship or two. I hope not but I'm not backing down on anything I wrote nor am I going to apologize for the way I wrote it. One matter seems to be somewhat misunderstood: I suffered through the Boxing Day get together with a couple of individuals who caused me a tremendous amount of harm at church, and trauma, and I had to struggle to cope while they were there. Evidently it has been misread that I am out to attack someone's dear friends. Rather this is my way of venting over the mistreatment and injustices to which I have been subjected to during my time in the Anglican Church. No one is interested or available to help me find closure with this. Clergy and friends have all backed away from me. It seems that their precious friends who have harmed me have greater status than I do. Protect the ranks. So this is my therapy: my blog and your kind attention, Gentle Reader, and perhaps the hope that the Anglican Church will thanks to my posts find a wee little bit of public humiliation. Some email exchanges with a friend will likely fill in the blanks. I have carefully edited out any information that could reveal my friend's identity :
I've been away from church now since September and you know something? I don't miss it at all. It's like I never attended or ever needed to. God feels very near and that's the important thing and everything else seems to be moving forward and unfolding as it should. And I haven't grown horns so far so I guess that's a good sign.
I'm not sure if I've ever told you about my vision of the church.
For me the church is not an institution. It is an organic reality. The churches as we know them help in some ways facilitate this reality but they are not the reality. That is God and the people he has called to himself. Some of these people are in the churches. But not all of them. Nor are all the people in the churches, not even the people on the church councils, not even the clergy, are all His, which is to say a lot of them are not going to be people who walk with God.
I imagine that I am one of those who don't really belong in the institution. This does not cut me off from the body of Christ, which actually has very little to do with the church: Anglican, Catholic, Baptist or other.
Does this mean that the Anglican Church (or any of the other denominations) are useless to God? I wouldn't go that far. I think they are all useful and valuable and that there are many people who should and need to be part of these institutions. But not everybody. I just can't believe that one size is going to fit all and that it is just as injurious to try to fit someone in the church who doesn't belong as it is to take someone who belongs out of the church and expect that they'll do okay. Look what it's done to me!
I really believe that the institutional church is much the same as the Sadducees and Pharisees of Jesus day.
Well, let's just say that healing is beginning to happen. I'm giving it three years away from church and then we'll see. I might visit a few places in the meantime but I ain't shaking hands with strangers and likely not sticking around for coffee afterward (ever see the bumper sticker: Save me Jesus from your followers ;-} ) After three years I have no idea what's going to happen. My big mistake with the Anglican Church is that I went there in need. That system to me seems very poorly equipped to handle or help people who need community unless they are prepared to work their butt off as volunteers and even that isn't a guarantee that you're going to be accepted or liked. Someone told me that I cannot expect that church is going to be a safe place. I suppose that's all well and good for afflicting the comfortable (the Anglican Church's target audience) but there is precious little for comforting the afflicted (those poor marginalized folk whom the parishes try to help but rarely become actually a part of the community). So if you are recovering from trauma and mental health issues and people's insensitive or unkind behaviour triggers you left right and centre then it's your tough luck and if you can't cope then it's time to move on.
This does not at all resemble to me the Jesus that I know.
I can also see that there are people who totally thrive in church. I would love to see something that would welcome include and nurture people from both worlds. We have much to learn about taking care of one another, of being real community, of being family. The Anglican Church as I've experienced does not, and I suspect is incapable, of accommodating this model.
My Spanish speaking friends have been teaching me a lot about friendship, humility, caring and accepting others, kindness. Some of this has to do with the cultures they come from but I also have been blessed with some particularly awesome people.
There are Mennonites, then there are Mennonites and then there are Mennonites. I was involved in a very radical Mennonite house church for a year 1979-80. They were all artists/intellectuals and studying feminism and gay liberation and challenging gender roles and norms. They were also strongly pacifist and of course radically socially progressive. I would have lasted longer with this group but I also found them a bit twee and insular. Generally other Mennonites are more like Baptists who are against war and do a lot of community and social development work. They also tend to be anti-queer.
How do they compare with Anglicans? Anglicans tend to be middle to upper middle class, and very status quo. There is no definitive concept of a Biblically based Christian discipleship, at least not in my experience of Anglicanism and a rather morally and ethically flabby anything goes mentality. It is a denomination that seems to celebrate mediocrity and conformity to secular values.
For me the strong area in Anglicanism is the liturgy of the Eucharist.
For the Mennonites it would be their pacifism and community development, justice and peace.
This about says it for me, Gentle Reader. I have been coping the best I can from the blowback and have spent the day getting my Compass Card for public transit, buying a calendar, taking a good near seven mile walk, lunch at home and two hours in the local coffee shop with my sketch book. Could do worse I suppose. Apart from my feelings of sadness about the blowback I still feel strong and not prone to the Christmas depression that has been afflicting me almost every year save for this one.
Now if I can only remember to stay away from Anglicans!
Please pass this post on to others.
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