This Was Christmas 5

Well, still no crippling depression.  I have just had to end or consent to the ending of a friendship.  La Bella Luz of the Boxing Day open house took strong exception that I would write unkind things about her cherished friends.  People who have caused me harm without explanation or apology but nonetheless they are her cherished friends, and since I have always been a low ranking friend on her gilded social hierarchy I am absolutely certain that had the shoe been on the other foot, had the Politically Correct Green Goddess or La Estrella Nuevo Yorquena written unkind things about your faithful scribe she would have just let it go or even praised them for putting me in my place.  And from this moment on the traitorous Bella Luz shall be known as La Sombra Pesada.

When La Sombra Pesada wrote me an email expressing her offence with me (I will not replicate it here since I still respect her privacy regardless of what she's done to me) I responded with these words:

I am not going to apologize about my experience.  Nobody was named. I did have a difficult time and made the best of it.

 I think you're taking this way out of proportion.  Or if you wish, we don't really have to be friends.  The ball is in your court.

best

Aaron 

 

She replied with one single word: "Goodbye."

 

Here is my response written in Spanish, a language we are both fluent in:

 

Me apena que las cosas vayan mal para nosotros.  Si quieras terminar la amistad conmigo no te echo la culpa.  Aunque no pueda justificar ni condenar mis acciones de mi blog por favor hagame caso.  Si supiera que asistieron la tertulia la Politically Correct Green Goddes y La Estrella Nueva Yorquena no me habria ido.  No quiero aburrirte de los pormenores tampoco perjudicarte en contra de tus amigas.  Ambas mujeres me causaron mucho dano en la iglesia.  No hay que divulgar las detalles porque si, por supuesto, respeto que sean las amigas tuyas!  Pero, ellas, ademas de otras personas me causaron mi salida de la iglesia.  Para verles en tu casa me apeno mucho.  Solo para dar a mis Amigos desde Mexico mas contacto a las canadienses acorde de asistir.  Por lo demas me hubiera quedado en mi hogar!

 

It saddens me that things aren't going well between us.   If you want to end our friendship I don't blame you.  Although I can't justify or condemn my actions in my blog please hear me out.  If I had known that the Politically Correct Green Goddess and the New York Star were going to be at your open house I would not have gone.  I don't wish to bore you with details neither set you against your friends.  Both women caused me a lot of harm at church. There is no need to divulge the details because yes, of course, I respect that they are your friends!  But, they, among other persons, caused my leaving the church.  Seeing them in your house caused me a lot of distress.  Only in order to give my friends from Mexico more contact with Canadians did I agree to attend.  Otherwise I would have stayed home!

 

Me sentia que me tratas como una persona de bajo rango, y con algo de hostilidad.  Tal vez seas en mi contra porque soy persona pobre? Porque sufria de algunas trastornas mentales? Porque tu iglesia me ha traumatizado y quizas decidiste aliarte a ellos en mi contra para aumentar mi dolor? y tal vez por eso te moleste mucho el ensayo de mi blog?  Tal vez desempenas conmigo de malas ganas la amistad y te  cupiera mejor que no nos veamos?

 

I have long felt that you treat me like a person of low status, and with some hostility.  Maybe you are against me for being poor?  Because I have suffered from mental health difficulties? Because your church has traumatized me and perhaps you decided to take their side against me in order to increase my suffering?  And maybe this is why you are so bothered by my blog post?  Maybe you have endeavoured to be grudging in your friendship towards me because you would prefer that we not see each other?

A me, he valorado mucho de tu amistad y abrigo la esperanza que nos superamos del desacuerdo.  Lastima que piensas diferente.

 

On my part I have greatly valued your friendship and retain the hope that we will both rise above our disagreement.  It saddens me that you do not agree with this.

En cuanto a mi no hay que terminar la amistad pero si no te peguen ganas seria inadecuado que te moleste mas.

 

As far as I am concerned there is no need to end our friendship but if you don't care to continue it would be inappropriate that I bother you further.

Si decidas pasar por alto nuestras diferencias espero que desempenemos la reconciliacion y volveremos a la amistad. 

 

If you decide to overlook our differences I hope that we can carry out a reconciliation and become friends again.

Pero, de verdad me parece que siempre me hayas desechado y no necesito tales amigos como tu.  

 

But really, Heavy Shadow, it seems to me that you have always despised me and I do not need friends like you.

 

Gentle Reader it is sad and too ironic that friendships end so easily, especially during the Christmas season where it is expected that friendships are affirmed but this is a season replete with irony.  I have come to see it more as a battlefield.  If there is any victory here then it is a pyrrhic victory and everyone loses.  I also take in consideration a hard lesson that I have learned today.  Never ever expect your friends to be loyal or trustworthy.  Friendship is often an illusion and it is often like making imaginary friends out of real people as a beautiful illusion that will protect us from the hard reality of our solitude.  I have to admit that when I first solicited the friendship of Heavy Shadow I was greatly in need of friends and she grudgingly offered me her friendship, I think, out of guilt.

 

I have better people in my life.