Is there a difference between being kind and being nice? Sometimes we're neither. Other times we're both. But are we ever one or the other? I suppose while on the bus today I was being kind by removing my knapsack from my seat so a young woman and her friend could sit there. The annoyance of both their loud strident voices made it necessary for me to change my seat. When I turned around later and saw they were getting off I returned to the back since it was quieter again. They both saw and took note. I suppose I wasn't being very nice, but really, neither were they. Likely just two more young narcissistic little bitches on whom both niceness and kindness are usually wasted, but I still couldn't bring myself to ask them to shut up or sit somewhere else. I did both the nice and kind thing by removing myself from the problem. I also did the not nice thing by glaring at them as they got off the bus and visibly returned to my seat (or near my seat since someone else had taken it) and muttered as they left "good riddance."
I think it could be easily said that nice is superficial but kindness comes from the heart. For example, while stopping to pet an ugly but friendly dog you are being kind to the dog. When you tell the owner what a lovely dog he has you are being nice in a lying through your teeth sort of way. But if it brightens his day for him you are also being kind.
It seems we're always lying to one another, and to ourselves, anyway. Brutal honesty is neither kind or nice. Truth spoken, or better, demonstrated in love is kind but not always nice.
We occupy a gradually shrinking planet of finite resources and the way we treat one another as well as our environment is going to do a lot to determine our outcome as a species. The increasing pressure to do more with less, be it food, material possessions or living and breathing space is going to make it all the more challenging for us to coexist, unless we are really prepared to make sacrifices and accept trade-offs. Never in our history on this planet has this been more necessary and more crucial. Or more difficult.
I think the best way to start is to deal as kindly as possible with our immediate surroundings, beginning with ourselves. It is important to be kind to ourselves, not because we are anything special or above others but because we all matter equally. I think this is also called self compassion (not to be confused with the Spanish cognate "auto-compasion" which means self-pity).
What does being kind to myself mean? I think it involves good self-care, first of all: eating good, nutritious and tasty food, keeping myself and my living environment clean, clothing myself decently, getting all the rest and sleep that I need, doing things that I find enjoyable, stimulating and relaxing, taking good care of spirit, soul and body.
It also means extending this kindness where possible and appropriate to those around me. This also translates into handling conflict well. For example, I live next door to a city owned social housing building full of hard to house and some very damaged tenants with a lot of street experience. Many are emotionally adolescents and behave like adolescents often playing their music inappropriately loud. The usual staff person I have to phone to complain sometimes loses patience and I make every effort to be kind and tactful in my response though this has not stopped me from filing a complaint about him to his employers who are being very supportive. I have also had to take care to not demonize the tenants but to understand them and pray for them with compassion. Not often easy but very necessary.
As long as we are all living at close and closer quarters and having to share more there will be growing and increasing opportunities to lay aside our own selfish agendas and preferences and treat one another with courtesy, respect and kindness. And, often this will also mean having to be nice to each other, even if it kills us!
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