Please tell me, Gentle Reader, if I am the only person to whom this has ever happened: I am entering or leaving a store and I hold the door open as always for the person behind or in front of me. Said individual takes full advantage of my generosity and slips on by as though I am invisible and it was the invisible hand of fate holding the door open because he is an absolutely awesome individual and naturally fate is smiling on her. So, I annunciate a sweet but decidedly tart "You're welcome." Sometimes they will respond with a sheepish thank you, usually if it's a female. Less likely coming from a male.
I think it goes without saying that women are generally nicer, politer and more apt to express gratitude than men. For example while waiting in line at a produce market yesterday the fellow, a young male (race and ethnicity irrelevant) in front of me tripped and knocked over a shopping basket. I waited to see if he would put it upright again. He didn't. Instead of saying anything to shame him I merely went over and put the shopping basket in its place. He gave me a very embarrassed, shall we say shit-eating?, smile but not one word of thanks. I can only hope that next time he is careless he will do something to rectify it, hoping that setting an example will have spoken to him more loudly than words of shaming and reproach ever would. Who only knows? I am not going to go into detail here as to why women are generally (but not always) nicer and kinder than men. There is of course the familiar nature versus nurture argument and I myself am undecided.
As for myself, I always tend to say thank you and the rare time I forget to I do what I can to make it right. I do tend to get a bit uncomfortable when it feels extorted. Right now the housing providers of the BC Housing building that I live in (I am not going to name them as they can be very thin-skinned and vindictive when offended, and I have learned the hard way to not anger those who have the power to hurt me) have launched a campaign to celebrate their thirtieth anniversary as an affordable housing provider. So, there is the tacit expectation that their very fortunate tenants are going to write them glowing messages of gratitude for saving their sorry hienies. I guess there is nothing wrong with this really and I still remain a bit undecided as to whether or not I'm going to participate. Probably not.
It isn't that I don't feel grateful. I am tremendously grateful for this little apartment that I live in. Having experienced almost a year of the couch-surfing variety of homelessness (thank heavens it was never the street variety). Then I spent three years living in two shared accommodations-type situations. When you are over forty you are decidedly a bit old for these kinds of arrangement. It became unsafe and just in the nick of time something opened up for me in BC Housing.
I have now lived here in this building for almost fourteen years. Though things have gone generally well it hasn't always been a cakewalk. Living with a number of tenants who struggle with mental health issues is in itself a bit of a mixed blessing. Since I also work in the mental health field I have had to learn to protect myself so that when I am not in my apartment I am away from the building. This doesn't exactly correspond well with my housing providers' philosophy of building community with their tenants. I am also seen to be talented, able and professionally experienced which, I have been told, has also made me a bit of a nice find for their community program and let's just say they have been less than overjoyed to learn that I am not interested in participating. The good news is the current managers seem to both understand and respect this. You see, Gentle Reader, when you are a professional care provider it can be downright impossible to turn it off during your time off. Being also a person who cares about others it is very easy for me to try to be as supportive as possible to some of my neighbours when they are troubled about things. Which is also often the last thing I need to do during my time off when what I really need is rest so I can recharge my batteries. To be brutally honest, GR, my job pays my rent and if the place where I live and for which I am paying rent makes it difficult for me to do my job then I could end up in deep shit if I'm not careful. So this is why I tend to stay away from the other tenants.
There is also the question of what exactly am I thankful for? Well, that I have a roof over my head for one thing, and that paying thirty percent or less of my income for rent makes it possible for me as a low wage earner to live with a sense of dignity. Really, if I were paying market rent for my little apartment I would have to be earning twice my current wage or I would have to move to another part of the province or country. So yes I am extremely grateful. But to whom do I feel gratitude? To God of course. How about my housing providers? Well, that's a little bit of a mixed bag. I happen to see housing as a fundamental human right and I am not overly enthralled with the charity model, being more inclined to lean in the direction of social justice.
I am distinctly wary of the people in upper management for various good reasons. Last summer I was threatened with eviction for swearing at the assistant manager because I felt my rent adjustment was unjustly high. There were extenuating circumstances. It was a sizable increase by over one hundred dollars a month. I was still recovering from hospitalization and my health still seemed uncertain. I was also emotionally very fragile at the time. My hours at work were at an all-time low and there seemed to be almost no allowance given to factor this in to lower the rent. Not knowing if my income situation would change (I had also been stung by Canada Revenue Agency for nearly a thousand dollars, very difficult to pay on less than fourteen thousand dollars a year). I later admitted that I was inappropriate, owned up and apologize even though I didn't and still won't back down on my opinion that the rent increase was not entirely just.
A couple of weeks later someone from upper management sent me a letter threatening me with eviction over the incident, even though I had apologized. Not one iota of consideration was given to the fragile and difficult circumstances I was in at the time. Having survived homelessness of course this has been traumatizing to me. Instead of endearing me this has merely made me all the more wary of these people and reasonably disinclined to want to thank them for anything, pending an apology of course.
I am still grateful for all these people have done for us. But I don't like feeling in a position where a thank you feels a little bit extorted.
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