I will be sixty-one in two months. I am looking forward to retiring in four years. I don't expect to spend my final years doing nothing and I could easily continue working into my eighties or even, God permitting, into my nineties if the opportunities don't dry up along with my skin. What I am looking forward to is no longer having to be dependent on the good will of an employer for my daily survival. This has to be still one of the most odious and abused social contracts on earth, which is why I am solidly in favour of a guaranteed annual, livable income for all people on low incomes. It has already been proven to be a myth that people will only work if they have to. Rather, it has been found that the desire and need to work and be productive and to participate meaningfully in the wellbeing of the community is something that is deeply ingrained in human nature. This only falters when there is something seriously wrong or toxic with the work environment, for example, low pay, unsafe working conditions, nasty and demanding bosses, bullying coworkers. I, for one, will only consider continuing in my occupation if certain of the aforementioned conditions in the workplace improve noticeably. Otherwise, once I hit sixty-five, I will either find other employment or do volunteer work. Or, I will devote all my free time to my art, writing and caring for the poor and vulnerable (which is to say, volunteer work). And it ain't going to be my head that gets banged on my way out!
I am quite new at the game of ageing and this is going to take some time to get used to. I still enjoy good health. My eyes and ears have shown no signs of deterioration and my level of physical energy remains rather on the high side. I saw a counsellor recently, a woman young enough to be my kid (oh, but aren't they all, these days?) who suggested when I mentioned to her that a lot of my friends are in their twenties and thirties that I must be getting youthful energy from them. Very frankly, I countered that they're the ones getting the youthful energy from me. I refuse to form any vampiric relationships where I am deriving life force from others. For me, part of the secret of ageing well is in developing and maintaining my own interior resources of strength and energy and imparting the largess to others.
When you are single, male, and on a low income, ageing can be a merciless and cruel process, unless you are already well-versed in good self-care. I think it can be particularly difficult for men because most of us are used to expecting women to wipe our asses for us.
Yes. I just said that.
Most of us never learn to be truly independent of our mothers. We expect wives and girlfriends to fill the gap, regardless of the advances made by feminism. Only those men who have truly learned to internalize their mothers and become effectively their own mom (and dad, too) are going to survive solitary ageing. Ever notice how many men go downhill rapidly once their wives divorce their ass or die? While divorced and widowed women tend to do okay or even better in may cases? Still want to argue?
Single low income men are almost treated like a dirty secret. We have no family, no spouse, and little or no money. I am going to do my very best through this blog series to make us visible, to grant us existence, and hopefully challenge and empower some of us to age with dignity, grace, courage and joy. It is possible, but we have to be flexible and we have to be willing to welcome change because most of us are not going to do well by staying as we are.
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