Life As Performance Art 79

I think I have already mentioned on these pages that I am part of a web-page called Conversation Exchange, where I can meet native Spanish speakers and we will meet up, one to one, to help each other in our languages. It is a great service. It is free. And I have met a lot of interesting and great people here. Not everything has gone well. Some have turned into complete disasters. Others have more or less become friends for the long term, if rather hard to stay in touch with at times. I have had to learn a lot about negotiating cultural differences. Sometimes to cut lots of slack. Other times, to reinforce that certain habits of behaviour might be acceptable in Panama, but that is not how you are going to make friends in Canada. Especially around matters of sexuality and punctuality. Now, not all Latinos are incurable homophobes and not all Latino men are reprobate misogynists, though quite a few still are. Those idiots are quickly filtred out, when they find out that I am simply not going to tolerate this idiocy, since they are in Canada where, at least in theory, queers are safe and equal and women are respected. I will not get annoyed if they are no more than fifteen minutes late for our meeting. Then I tell them. Again, if they don't like it, they can go back to Mexico for all I care. We are in Canada and here we are punctual and respectful of other people's time and schedules. If I am stood up even once without apology or explanation, that ends the arrangement, unless there is a clear show of genuine repentance. They can otherwise take their Hispanic pride back to Colombia with them and happily fester, for all I care. Fortunately, most of my respondents have been a lot better than this. Usually quite punctual and respectful, and fortunately, if they are younger, they are usually more progressive about women and queers and other things. The ones I have had the most trouble from are those from upper middle class and wealthy families, who come here to major in business administration, or similar. Their sense of entitlement I find always offensive. They are also the most likely to be poor-bashers, and I cut no slack for people from privileged families who come here and badmouth some of our most vulnerable citizens. I have given a few Latinos short-shrift over this, and if they don't like it, well, go back to your gated community in Lima, for all I care! My Spanish is almost always better than your English, so you need me more than I need you. I lasted three and a half years with one of those idiots: a very spoiled and entitled individual, extremely self-centred. I am both sad and happy to announce that we are no longer friends. Likewise, the idiot who came here from Spain with his Mexican wife. He spoke very rudely to me when I confided to him about some problems in my family, then later completely lied and denied that he even said such things to me. For now, I am usually on Skype, these days with a new friend in Colombia, and more recently with a fellow who lives in Spain. I like these guys, and especially the Colombian seems to have become a particularly good friend, whom I hope to visit next year. I also have some Mexican friends, both here and in Mexico, with whom the contact is more off and on, but they remain for me very dear friends. Respect and patience are every bit as important as maintaining realistic standards. Not everyone can commit for the long-term, because of work and family concerns. Some simply lose interest, or find new people whom they are going to like better. I generally contact only other males, and for one simple reason. This kind of web-page can easily turn into a site for stalkers, and Latina women are especially sensitive and vulnerable to male idiocy. I will only meet up with a female Spanish speaker if she contacts me first, and often the arrangements have gone very well and very respectful. Once we get past the cultural differences and baggage, it is often easy to forget about them altogether as we acquire in these relationships a sense of flow and ease. Sometimes things can get jolted a bit, because culture also runs very deep in the human psyche, though we are always still going to be more than our culture and history. We must be. We are, after all, living human beings. However, and this seems universal in the Spanish-speaking world, family is always going to come first. if Mama wants, Mama gets, and all the world is just going to have to stop for a while until Mama gets what she wants and feels good and ready to let her hijo or hija (son or daughter), return to their regular social life. This is never to be taken personally, always with grace and good humour, and for this reason my Latino friends are more likely to love me forever. Even if these meetings and interactions have not always gone smoothly, they are still worth it. I have learned much, and been much enriched by these interactions and friendships, and I hope to continue in these interesting arrangements of language and friendship for the rest of my (hopefully!) long life on this earth.