Life As Performance Art 156

I used to attend language meetup groups for Spanish. I don't anymore. I just really got tired of the same two people dominating the conversation, making it almost impossible for any of the rest of us to get a word in edgewise. It really became toxic when one of those idiots turned out to be a vicious poor-basher, so I bailed from the group, after telling off the ungrateful Filipino immigrant who couldn't get his head around the idea that some people who were born in this land of opportunity are poor not because they are lazy but for all sorts of legitimate reasons that his shallow little mind couldn't fathom. Except for one or two excursions, I have since stayed well away from group language practice. I find it much better one to one and for me the language exchange format is ideal. And this way, I also get to help others learn and improve their English. It still isn't that easy, especially given how difficult it is getting people to commit. It seems that if someone is doing language practice with me, that I usually am going to rate very low on their social hierarchy, they will cancel with any excuse or pretext, or simply not respond at all, likely because of homophobia or ageism, or both. This I have become rather sick of over the years, and I also accept that a lot of people will also have very legitimate reasons for not engaging. They could have family, social and professional commitments, they might have some health challenges, or they could also feel uncomfortable with their own level of English, or they just might be really shy about engaging with some pale face foreigner on Skype. But I have finally found someone ready to commit and we have also become close friends (¡ya tu sabes quien seas tu, mi querido amigo que vive cercano de Bogotá!), so there has certainly been a payoff. There is something about connecting socially on the internet that can really cheapen and lower the value of friendship, though, and I really try to avoid this. Facebook friends, anyone? Um, no thanks. For me, friend implies someone who is going to be there with me for the long haul (and vice-versa) and the user-friendly consumerism that comes with the internet is really something to beware of, methinks. I think the selfish, consumerist and self-referential kind of consumerism that appears to have taken us over has really degraded social intercourse. I am a Christian and I have values, and this consumerist narcissism does not at all square with my values. So, in most of my contacts through language exchange, as through meetup, I seem to be always up against this huge tide of publicly sanctioned narcissism, which also causes a very utilitarian mentality. This is very sad and it also shows just what a minority Christians have become. This isn't just because of what we believe, but of who we are. We represent a value and ethos of love, selflessness and care and truth that is simply now unfashionable and runs contrary to the selfishness that now has inundated us like a huge tsunami tide of sewage. Even my reasons for wanting to speak Spanish have nothing to do with the trending attitudes of the day. I am not doing it for work or career purposes, not to enhance my income prospects, not to get into bed with a lovely series of Latin lovers. And I no longer answer if asked what my motive has been for learning Spanish, or any language, since that implies self-interest and self-interest has never been my reason for learning Spanish. I did have a longing, a hankering, when I was young, to become fluent in another language. But I didn't have a reason why, nor did I know yet which language I was going to learn, though I had already had three years of high school Spanish under my belt. Except, I believe that God put that desire in me. For his reasons. Now try and explain that to a bunch of secular atheists and other nonbelievers. They will simply shake their heads in contemptuous pity and try not to ask me any tactless questions about whether or not I am taking my medications regularly. But that is why I learned Spanish. Yes, I was also spurred on by my first visit to Costa Rica. I felt drawn back to that country, either to live there or at least to be a frequent visitor, but I was going to be damned if I was going to expect myself to be there without being able to communicate with the local people. I was not interested really in interacting with any of the well-off Gringo and European expats, as to me they are exploiters who live there for selfish reasons and simply drive up the costs of property and housing for the local people. I could only see myself being there or in any other country as a guest in someone else's home, and I had every intention of making myself the kind of guest that would be invited and welcomed back, again and again. I found that I love the Costa Rican people (¡y también, saben ustedes qien sean ustedes, mis amigos en Monteverde!), and as I began to learn and grow fluent in Spanish, I also grew to know and love Mexicans, Colombians, other Central Americans, people from Spain, from Chile, from El Salvador and wherever the language of Cervantes was being spoken. I can only guess what language learning has done for my brain, but it must be something good. I do know, that despite the frustrations I have often encountered with Latinos who do not want to engage reliably or responsibly, or regularly, I have also made some wonderful friends, and really, Canadians are also every bit as bad, or good as are Latin Americans and other people who inhabit God's lovely green and blue earth. I have jokingly replied "God" on occasion, when asked by anyone about who taught me Spanish, but I think that from now on that is going to be my stock reply. It is God who opened all the doors and arranged all the contacts with other people and resources to help me become fluent in the Spanish language. And, when anyone asks me why I chose to learn Spanish, I am simply going to tell them the truth. God put the desire in my heart and I simply felt that I had to obey. If they try to get me into any useless arguments or debates about religion I will simply shut my mouth and refuse to budge. Really, what other reason is there, Gentle Reader, for anything that's worthwhile?