Friday 25 September 2020

Dude, It ´s Only Coffee! 6

 Coffee of course is the world's most popular vector of that wonder drug, caffeine.  Ah, caffeine, but the world would be a quieter and more dismal and less productive place without it.  and everyone knows that caffeine and capitalism go together just like...just like...a contract job and reduced paycheque?  Here is a link to an article in the Atlantic (Yes, THAT Atlantic) for those who want to read more. 

Rehttps://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2020/04/michael-pollan-coffee/606805/

 In fact, clicking that link is mandatory.  This is required reading, and Gentle Reader, I am going to be training my shotgun on every last one of you just to make sure that you read that article! (and no, my squeamish politically correct little bunnies, I am not making any death threats here.  Never heard of hyperbole?  No, that is not the name for a nuclear collider.  Sense of humour, anyone?)


Natch, caffeine is what makes the world go round.  Most of us can't get out of bed without that little morning buzz.  And they say it makes us better, more efficient and more energetic little workers.  And you know something else, Gentle Reader?  It is what is known as a psychoactive substance.  A highly addictive psychoactive substance.  And that is why they've got us by the short and curlies (even you creepy aesthetic urban types who like to manscape or get bikini waxes, or Brazilians, and here I am not referring to slave labour on coffee plantations, though that is certainly another very Brazilian concern.


In other words, darlings, caffeine might get you started, and even help you get going, but you only keep drinking coffee because you have to.  That tiredness and those headaches you get when you haven't had your morning little Java jolt?  That is also called withdrawal, or in Spanish, penas de abstinencia, or literally, the pains from abstinence.   And that you need coffee to wake up?  That is addiction.  You pathetic little junkies, you!


I like coffee.  I even like decaf, but because I actually like the way it tastes. For this reason, some mornings I will have only decaf, or I will blend it with Guatemalan dark roast, fair trade of course.    But what if it was all decaf?  Oh, what would we do, how would we cope?  Caffeine, that natural insect repellent that keeps the coffee bush free from unwanted pests has become the very elixir of frenzied capitalism.  And we are hooked, and business is still booming and will go on booming since we remain haplessly and pathetically addicted to that little wonder drug, caffeine.


About thirteen years ago, I broke my caffeine addiction.  it wasn't that hard, just a bit of a...Grind?  I still wonder if I should just give it up altogether, or just buy fair trade (the decaf I get is not fair trade).  I know that I was in trouble when I began to feel like a junky trying to source his habit.  But I also like coffee. The fragrance, the flavour, and the buzz is rather nice.  Perhaps if I just stick to fair trade.  So what if this means I can help send a kid in Guatemala to university, even though there was no one here in Canada to do the same for me.


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