Can't Give It Away

This is the conundrum I find myself in concerning my art.  I can neither sell it nor give it away.  I seem to be stuck with it.  I have on occasion given art to people who are still my friends: two exactly.  Everyone else has dumped me.  They liked my paintings better than me, and some who received two or three gift paintings from me saw fit to re-gift them to people I have never known, met, nor will I receive a single nickel or cheque for art that was never destined for them.  As I said to the lady whom I gave two paintings as a gift when I was homeless and staying part time with my father (she was his landlady and friend and wanna be girlfriend), when she gave one painting to her daughter: the next one is for sale.  It just didn't occur to the stupid old bat that I could have used a little money, given my extremely impoverished state at the time.

For an unknown artist I've done pretty good in sales: one hundred or more, so far.  I also often have felt guilty about receiving money for my creative efforts and ended up giving a lot of paintings away to less than worthy individuals.  Bad piggy, no pearls.  I don't think I was trying to buy anyone's friendship.  Perhaps I just felt so grateful at times that anyone would want to befriend me that this was my way of saying thanks.  Every one of these people, save for two already good, trusted and very established friends, whom I have gifted my art to have shat on me and dumped me and we will likely never see each other again.

Selling my paintings has sometimes left me feeling a bit conflicted.  I have often felt troubled about my art going to well-off people instead of to just anyone regardless of their income.  I would often slash my prices to make my paintings more accessible to people on low incomes.  The fact of the matter is, I don't think that anyone particularly wealthy ever bought any of my art.  I was also aware that should I find myself represented by a good gallery, then those would be the only class of people who would be buying my art, giving me a lovely income, time on my hands to paint to my heart's delight, and a severely compromised conscience.

I have tonnes of canvases and filled sketchbooks clogging my little apartment.  I might have a couple of shows coming up in the next year or so.  But there are no guarantees.  Besides, Gentle Reader, I have become so fond of and attached to a lot of my art that I am no longer so sure about letting go of anything.  Maybe when I die, they will tie my body to an enormous raft and funeral pyre made up entirely of my paintings and sketchbooks.  Then they'll pour gas over everything, set me and my art ablaze and let us go floating out to sea, flames and smoke obscuring the darkening sky.

Not great for the environment, but what an exit!