Sweet Dreams

I'm on the low ebb of my sleep cycle.  I have found that it often has sweet nothing to do with stress or anxiety though on occasion they play a role.  Last night, and the night before were very similar.  After getting to sleep reasonably early, before ten thirty on both nights, I woke up three hours later following a short but deep REM sleep only to find myself lying awake for the next two to three hours.  I don't believe that I was always awake.  When we are in bed we are not so aware of the contrast between waking and sleeping so that we can pass in and out of sleep all night and still claim to have not slept a wink.  In the daytime we are so absolutely awake that should we lie down for a quick nap we're going to notice the difference profoundly because we are completely alert at the time.

I threw in the towel on both mornings and got up at the crack of dawn, had a shower, cleaned my apartment and ate breakfast, only to return to bed shortly after, five-thirty this morning, six am the other day, lying on top of the bed and drifting in and out of sleep for the next three hours.  Today I do not feel quite so rested though I was fine the other day.  Though I dragged my ass all day, I left early for work, walked about seven miles today between, during and following professional assignments and even had time to sit in a coffee shop with my sketchbook.  I also got tonnes of Spanish practice on my phone while walking.

My last client cancelled so |I got home at two thirty where I napped for two hours.  I still don't feel fully rested, nor am I terribly worried about my sleep problems.  First of all they don't occur all the time.  Perhaps three or four nights a month now, as opposed to three or four nights a week just a few short years ago.  There seem to be a few causes for my sleep difficulties.  PTSD aftermath is one of them.  Aging is another.  I have read that men tend to develop sleep issues after age forty-five.  We have a lot weighing on our conscience, Gentle Reader.  Work stress and anxiety are other causes and in my line of work especially sleep issues are going to be an occupational hazard.  I did spend 2003 and small portions of 2002 and 2004 working mostly night shifts in a homeless shelter and it has not surprised me that since I left this position that my sleep cycles have been very delicate.

One learns to cope.  I try to get to bed early at night so that, should I wake in the middle of the night, I will still make every effort to go back to sleep, usually with success.  If not, then I get up in the small hours, get started, then return to bed for a three hour nap.  Sometimes it works, not always.  It's getting better and I have learned to adapt.  Still, the rare time I have an unbroken sleep of six hours or so I feel like the most privileged person alive.