On Hypocrisy

Oh, here I go writing about myself again, Gentle Reader.  What a bore!  Yes, if I am going to write about hypocrisy then I'd might as well do it honestly.  Today, for example, I was enjoying a long walk, and I was determined to be a kind and caring person throughout the day.  Then, as I was crossing the street a rather fat South Asian man with a shaved head in a fancy car cut me off for his precious right hand turn.  Since his window was open I roundly chewed him out, telling him that it is a walk signal, my right of way and he should look and wait next time.  Because he ignored me I called him a moron.

Now I suppose he got what he deserved and was certainly behaving like an inconsiderate jerk with a huge sense of entitlement, but I still did not live up to my expectation of myself.  I behaved like a hypocrite.  This happens often enough.  We never seem to live up to our expectations of ourselves.  One idea would be to lower our standards.  Instead of being like Mother Teresa, maybe try to be like the guy who runs the neighbourhood soup kitchen.  And if that's too high and lofty, maybe opt to be like the young lady who says thank you to the driver when she gets off the bus.  Or maybe put no expectation for yourself at all. 

Just think, nothing to live up to, no higher standard to measure against, no sense of disappointment and self-loathing from your ultimate and serial failures.  Pathetic much?

I am thinking of these two Jehovah's Witnesses I saw from the bus window this morning, standing on the street corner with their magazines and their little literature stand, two homeless men sleeping on the sidewalk just a few feet away.  I thought, when did I last hear about Jehovah's Witnesses performing acts of kindness and charity?  Didn't think so.  They're only interested in propagating their distorted and toxic version of the Christian faith.  They certainly don't care about the vulnerable.

What an easy and excellent target.  On the other hand, I have no idea if either of those Jehovah's Witnesses had perhaps offered spare change, or a cup of coffee to either of those individuals.  The answer is likely no, but one never knows, so really I am not here to judge.  Still, what a clear and flawless image of black and white hypocrisy!

It is equally difficult having conversations with a lot of people that will somehow address their hypocrisy and turn them against you.  This happened some years ago between a friend and myself.  This individual, a Christian pastor, has a tendency of making some of the most loathsomely judgmental remarks about persons on welfare and other vulnerable people.  "Some of them don't want to work", he has said, or, concerning black people who are activists for equal treatment under the law, "Why don't they just get on with their lives and stop whining?"  Making the mistake of trying to educate him about his hypocrisy and lack of insight simply ended the friendship.  I was accused by him of shooting him down whenever he had anything to say.  It is very difficult maintaining friendship with the intentionally ignorant.

We are friends again, sort of.  I walk on eggshells around this person because he still really does not want to be confronted or confused with facts and for me it is an exercise in humility keeping my mouth shut around him.  And anyway, by trying to elevate his standards for him I am also by default betraying my own inability of living up to my own,

Still, I am determined to keep my standards high.  Of course I am going to keep failing and falling short and cursing my weakness and lack of resolve, but so what?  This way I can learn humility and without humility I am not going to learn a bloody thing that is worth knowing.