Well, I wouldn't call it exactly burn-out, maybe just a kind of short-term tiredness. The change in weather invites stillness, contemplation, curling up in a cozy chair with something nice to nibble or sip on while listening to music, long meditative walks in parks underneath a big fat umbrella. We move from salads of all kinds for dinner to soups, stews and roasted everything. Summer is telling us how mortal this most beloved of seasons as we move now into the final three weeks before autumn, before the cold nights, cool mornings, and falling leaves. I long for the first autumn chill in the air. There is something intoxicatingly bracing about it. For this reason alone I would never want to live all year in the tropics (maybe half the year). The autumn crocuses are blooming three weeks early and this indicates an early fall and a colder than normal winter.
Many of my new Skype friends appear to be leaving me alone. I'm glad. The purpose of these friendships is language exchange but the new participants are all in their twenties, and I would be inclined to call them all unreliable flakes, but this works well for me because I'm tired. I want only to sit in my recliner chair and listen to the radio, nibble or sip on something nice, read something interesting from time to time, maybe get out of my chair to paint a little, or to write this silly old blog.
I have been telling people lately one of the secrets to my mental health recovery. Joy. Two and a half years before my mental health diagnosis in 2002 I realized that joy would be my key to recovery, to good health and to a good life. I embraced joy, and with it humour, then self-discipline and perseverance and all the pieces began to fall together. I became calm, serene and at times outrageously happy as the negative influences all fell away from me like broken feathers being moulted.
I have become stronger, much stronger. As my career developed and as I found myself working in multiple sites and contracts with multiple bosses and clients I found myself adapting so easily to the hurly-burly of it all that at times I found this weird-ass serenity to be downright frightening. I had converted into a very different person from the one I had known only a few years ago. The archetypal fool, or juggler, the calm centre in the middle of the whirlwind. Never in my life have I felt this strong.
I do get tired at times and there is a lot to carry at times, but I have learned to rest when I need to and this is what I am doing today. I will soon feel strong again, but right now, lying back and doing nothing is the greatest pleasure and the greatest reward.
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