I have sometimes compared him to the planet (not the Roman god!) Jupiter and all his many sad friends as the moons of Jupiter caught in his great gravitational pull. For years I was one of the sad friends of the Great One. I was one of Jupiter's moons. For about six or seven years we knew each other casually from the Baptist coffee house where we both frequented. We didn't talk much and several had warned me that he was trouble.
When I was twenty-four and Jupiter was thirty-two we coincided at a home Bible study and we began to hang out. We both believed that we had a calling to a ministry of Christ's presence in the local gay community. For about three years we were inseparable. In my desire to move on I left some very precious Christian friends and Jupiter became for me during that time my only real friend. I left my church to attend his because he said the Lord was telling me to do this. I went a lot of places to suit Jupiter because he said that was the Lord's will for me.
He was every bit the loser that I am here portraying him. Then how, you my gentle readers must be wondering, could I ever come under the influence of such a sad individual? Well, we were both sad individuals, lonely, frightened, insecure, and consumed by our own self-hatred. We also each wanted to be someone, to be someone great, admired, loved and respected. We wanted to be celebrity Christians. He had a toxic charisma but also played a very convincing loving Christian act.
I don't think it was all act. He was an authentically kind person but with poor boundaries and a wounded ego. He was incredibly welcoming and anyone who crossed his threshold was his new best friend forever. It is easy to demonize an easy target.
He lived in a West End rooming house, long ago replaced by condos, and gave me the key to his housekeeping room. I often met him and various other friends there. We were kind of an unconstituted Christian community. We also all swore like truckers.
Our parting of ways began in 1983 when one evening while visiting me in my place (I think I had had him over for dinner) he tried to push me into going downtown with him for a night of "ministry." For the first time ever I raised my voice to him and announced that I am no longer getting caught in his personal vortex. He never forgave me.
For a few more years we continued side by side, but no longer attached to each other. We both relied on each other's insight and discernment and even though we were often accurate and mutually helpful we also unwittingly set each other up for some very nasty traps.
We gradually grew apart from each other. I had for a couple of years, till I was twenty-seven, aped some of his poor lifestyle habits. Separating from him also helped me get my own ducks in a row. He did not seem to know how to take care of himself. His nutrition was always poor, his clothing dirty and dishevelled, his home a trap for bugs and filth. He was usually chronically unemployed and poor. He was eventually diagnosed with a mental health condition and went on a disability pension. We still, even into the 2000's drifted in and out of each other's lives, but the intervals were longer and the visiting time shorter.
In 2007 I sent him an email. I said that if I didn't hear back from him in a week I would assume that he had ended our friendship and would not bother him again. He never responded. We still run into each other from time to time. Most recently just two years ago we even stopped to chat a bit. But the friendship is over and now that I am doing well in my own mental health recovery I would say that it is not likely going to be resurrected.
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