He is the son of the pastor of Fundy Church, that sect of Christian fundamentalists I was involved with in the early 2000's. The Fair-Haired Boy. Kind of like how we would imagine Bart Simpson just on the threshold of puberty, though he was already in his twenties. He was a Christian Skateboarder. You know, that brand of fundamentalist-evangelicalism that endeavours to stay true to every single word, letter, jot and tittle in both the Old and New Testament while glossing over or feigning ignorance of some of the verses that mention the word "love." They twist themselves like origami in their efforts to look hip, cool and not ridiculous. So he was a "Christian" Skateboarder. Like a "Christian" Artist, or a "Christian" rapper. (Are you finished throwing up now, gentle reader?)
I met his parents and his older sister a year before I began to attend. They were volunteering with me serving meals to homeless and street youth Saturday nights at the Baptist coffee house. I really liked them, finding them to be nice, kind and gracious as well as very attractive people.
Junior was a kind of big brother to a clique of lost boys, all skate boarders. He housed them, fed them, skateboarded with them, advocated for public skateboarding, apparently unaware or unconcerned about the dangers to seniors and others sharing the sidewalks. He converted some of them and brought them to his church. He took a liking towards me, then became irrationally suspicious. Twice he invited me for coffee for the express purpose about grilling me about my sexuality. I didn't bite. He said he was concerned about the safety and well being of his lost boys as though I were some pervert or marauding predator. I already suspected him to be a closet case, maybe a jealous closet case and simply replied that whatever assumptions he wanted to make about me that these same assumptions said more about him than me, I was no threat to anyone and to please mind his own business.
The fact of the matter is when someone asks you if you're gay, that is the game changer for any friendship and usually means that the friendship is over and likely never existed. No matter how you answer you will from henceforth carrying the stain of stigma as far as they're concerned.
Junior moved into my building, more or less as I was getting ready to leave his sect of homophobic bigots. He lived almost across the hall from me. Our friendship continued more or less. When I left fundy church and Fundy Minister ended our friendship he naturally took the side of his friend and mentor F M. Another death blow to the friendship. At times we prayed together. When he learned that I don't share his take on the Bible, but referred to it as a flawed document that should not be taken literally but still honoured and revered for its divine inspiration he decided he no longer wanted to pray with me.
By this time it was clear to me that he was a plant in my building. A strong presence of Fundy Church, they and his pastor daddy were using him in order to maintain their influence and dominance in my building. He also was, given his provenance, the star tenant. I was already feeling disenchanted with Junior and allowed our friendship to slip away like sand through my fingers. He moved out. I certainly did not miss him. Before he moved I did allow him and a fellow student from his university to spend the day with me and interview me for one of his classes concerning my childhood and upbringing, taking us to the house in Richmond where I grew up. We stood in front of the old split level where I was filmed and interviewed about my upbringing there. The owner, a middle aged Chinese gentleman came out to inquire about us. We had a pleasant chat and he seemed quite delighted that I had spent a good part of my childhood in his house. Later I asked Junior to delete the whole thing. I felt used and exploited and that I had permitted him to take liberties with me in order to preserve our friendship. I also kicked my ass good and hard for being so needy. To cut myself a little bit of slack, I believe I was still in, or had just completed, my psychotherapy and was still feeling a little vulnerable.
Junior moved back into the building a few years later, older and fatter. He one day asked about going for coffee with me. I consented. It was a pleasant visit and I thought that perhaps this would rekindle our friendship. A month later I asked him out for another coffee visit. He declined claiming that he didn`t feel ready to see me on a regular basis. I felt naturally insulted and ended the friendship. He remonstrated and tried to visit me. I refused to see him.
We did have a kind of rapprochement a year later when he tried to fix my computer and I took him for dinner to reward him. He has since asked me a couple of times about a coffee visit. I have been noncommittal. To cut him a little slack, he is not a bad person. He cares about people and I think he has a genuine humility. He has not gone into details but has indicated to me in the recent past that he has been through some real mental health issues. I don't want to condemn him. I wonder if this might be generating some of his fear towards me. I feel that there is a shadow between us, maybe from his youthful immaturity and some of his irrational fears that he projected onto me and for this I do want to forgive him.
My need to preserve my own wellbeing and integrity still makes me doubtful about renewing our friendship. I do not trust his ongoing connection to Fundy Church and I really want to distance myself from the bigotry that comes with it. On the other hand, maybe trust that he is on a journey that I know nothing about. Time will tell.
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