Life As Performance Art 131

More on the Desiderata, Gentle Reader. This next stanza: "Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself." Being myself. Well, who else can I be? Yes, throughout life we are going to be under tons of pressure to fake it, to be someone we are not just to please others, to get on with our lives and careers, and to not have to face or even think of those scary shadows inside our dark little souls and who knows what kinds of monsters might be lurking within. Here's a Google image for you. A middle finger, or half a peace sign, as I like to call it, but this is definitely someone flipping the bird, middle finger proudly raised high. And there is a banner that says "I would rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not." I have always tried to live those words, but usually while keeping my finger down and in my pocket with all my other fingers. I definitely have never feigned affection with anyone, even if I have to lie a bit to myself and my clients if I am getting particularly short on patience with some of them and their behaviour. I have never been cynical about love, but I see love as something that is higher and more eternal than a romantic transaction between two people who are simply into each other. Or, Steve Winwood's famous song "Bring me a higher love." My guess is that unless our love is stronger than a simple romantic fixation, it is not going to outlast the hormones, and of course we are going to get cynical. Love can only work if it is unconditional, and love is only unconditional when it comes from a higher place, which is to say, from God. And if it's really love, then it's going to extend beyond our families and our own little circles to include the outsider, the stranger. Taking the counsel of the years to me is code for ageing gracefully. It's not entertaining illusions about myself. I look my age. I must, given how many young people offer me their seats on the bus. And, no, I am not going to bother with botox, and I am not interested in visiting any clinics in Yaletown, even if I could afford a facelift or a tuck or whatever. I like the way I look. I have slowed down quite a bit, even if I do enjoy good health, and I like this different, slower pace of life, this taking time to rest without feeling guilty about it. I have known my share of sudden misfortune. Even when I have nurtured strength of spirit it has not shielded me from the trauma. But trauma is a natural and normal response to being constantly overwhelmed. Amd this too I have had to come to accept. I have had to learn to stop catastrophizing, which is to say, to stop expecting the worst possible outcome. The fact is, one never knows what is waiting around the corner, and it might also be something very good and kind.