Today, Gentle Reader, we are going to bash the sleep experts. That's right, and they are even more odious than dieticians, who don't seem to understand some of the obstacles that many of us face in sourcing decent nutritious food. I'm sure you know where I am going with this, Ducks, They have their own particular dogma of how things ought to be, and if you are not conforming to every last one of their doctrines and formulas then you are simply a wellness heretic and you are going to be condemned to the bonfire of insomnia and likely an early death. Which is to say you will not live past one hundred.
I am a person who has trouble sleeping, and especially lately, with the stress of the holidays, it is very difficult for me to log a full night's sleep. Yet, according to the sleep experts, I must be doing something wrong, or there must simply be something wrong with me, because their dogma is sacrosanct. And if you cannot fit it, then you are the problem, not their theology. First of all, they make some rather dumb assertions and assumptions about how everyone lives, which is to say that we all live in big detached houses, no apartments or condos, so no noise from the stereo next door, and no flamenco practice on your ceiling from upstairs. We are also instructed to not have electronic devices, such as computers, tablets (not the sleeping variety), iphones, smartphones, cellphones, laptops, or TV's (remember those?) in our bedrooms, which must be only thoroughly dedicated and consecrated to sacred sleep.
What they don't seem to know is that a lot of us don't have a bedroom. With even a substandard one bedroom apartment being out of the reach of many low and even middle income earners, most of us have to resort to bachelors or studios, or even a single room in a house or in a rundown building. But sleep experts are all members of the privileged classes, and they really know nothing about people like you and me, darlings. They don't even know we exist.
And then there are the many homeless in our city, those who not only have to sleep in parks or on the sidewalk or in low barrier shelters, but also the hidden homeless who live in their cars or have to couchsurf and rely on the good will of friends and relatives. I wonder what kind of advice the sleep experts would have for the homeless, just to help them get that proper eight hours of shuteye every night, despite, you know, having to toss and turn on hard concrete, often lacking proper warmth, and having to cope with traffic, idiot pedestrians, idot cyclists who won't stay off the sidewalk, dogs that pee randomly, sirens, thieves and other assorted creeps. I just wonder how she would tailor and fit her advice for the homeless?
And how about those of us who live downtown, where just by setting foot in that neighbourhood is enough to spike ones's blood pressure? Where day and night we are serenaded by sirens, garbage trucks, delivery trucks, and noisy neighbours. I live downtown in a small studio apartment, and I would love to challenge that barmy sleep expert to switch places with me for one week, then she can tell me everything she wants about the importance of good sleep hygiene.
Of course there are other stresses. Our lovely day (or night) jobs, for example. The absolute disempowerment and the many accumulated small humiliations that workers have to endure, especially living in a country whose governments seem to chronically hold the people who elect them in passive contempt and do nothing to legislate decent working conditions or affordable (actually affordable) housing. Long hours, low pay, families to support, not to mention the whole state of global angst that being connected day and night has brought us. And don't get me started about global warming and the way that CBC flauntlessly serenades us on their newscasts with the voice of President Dump.
My take on sleep experts? They cater to a niche market, and to them, only those who live in large lovely homes in quiet leafy neighbourhoods and enjoy well paid and undemanding jobs and whose families never have problems seem to exist, and no one else counts. So it is with the wellness industry and their incredible obsession with perfection.
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