2041

"My mother was a prostitute addicted to heroin in downtown Victoria.  She said my father was likely one of her regular clients, but could not or would not identify him.  Mom contracted AIDS, and when she passed away family services stepped in.  We actually had a decent apartment.  One of her regulars, possibly my father, was a man of means and made sure we were okay.  In fact, the interest he took in our wellbeing really suggests that he is my natural father, though I never saw him.  Mom was always very careful to keep me separate from her work.  School was a challenge because word got out that Mom was a hooker and dying from AIDS, and all this came out from a documentary on sex workers and AIDS she had participated in.  There was no mercy and they had to take me out of the school for my own safety.  Family Services had me in a few emergency overnights before Kim stepped in and became my foster mom. She was, and still is Catholic by the way, and soon I was attending church with her and her son Tim...

2040

"I would like to begin", says Kenny, stirring into his coffee the meticulously measured two teaspoons of sugar and huge dose of cream that I aways knew him to favour, and even on the cusp of sixty, he is stirring with musical tinkling vigour. Dad used to tease him that he was going to take a recording of him stirring his coffee then hand it over to the church organist so that he might use the tinkling melody for composing a new liturgical anthem, perhaps for the Feast of Pentecost. Of course he just might have said to Kenny that the relentless tinkle tinkle tinkle never failed to get on his nerves, but Dad was two kind for that as well as too timid and polite. But on occasion, we, father and son, would exchange in private our mildly amused and vaguely irritated glances, one or both of us would briefly chuckle or titter, nothing further said or done. "with telling everyone here about how you and I came to know each other. Are you okay with that, Ethan. I am not going to mention here your true history as an early church martyr, nor of your eternal identity and service to God, nor anything at all about the Refuge. The two dimensions have come together, things are beginning to get calm again, and we are stuck here now, right now, in the boring mundane here and now." "Proceed", is all he mutters, while testing an experimental sip of his black and bitter coffee. first of all", so that no one gets confused, Only in Ethan's eyes have Kim and Tim remained young. And Ethan himself was just a kid of thirteen when he came into foster care in their home. Would you like to continue from here, Ethan..."

2039

I am carrying the very full coffee pot in one hand and a porcelain jug full of cream in the other while Kenny handles the Japanese crane tray loaded with mugs, spoons and a bowl of sugar.  There is room for everything on the coffee table, and I am gratified to see that neither Francois nor Ethan have put their feet on the table, always forbidden while my father was alive and I am bound and determined to honour his memory by maintaining that tradition.  I am reminded of the one time I actually dared to rest my feet, wearing only socks, on that table.  I was twelve.  Dad came into the room with the deacon who was our dinner guest. He approached me calmly and silently, then stood over me with his arm raised in a karate chop that was about to punch down onto my ankles.  I never put my feet there again.  Not even while home alone, and never once since. "Ethan", says Kenny, sitting down next to him,  "It is time for us to talk, all of us present." "About...?" he asks numbly. "You." "And I am going to start.  Ready?" And now Ethan is nothing of Tron or Adrian, but a silent, nervous young man awaiting an anticipated and very unwelcome verdict.

2038

"Can I help?" says Kenny, appearing like a magic elf in the doorway. "Do you remember where we keep the mugs?" "Yes, right here over the sink."  Then, approaching me he says in a conspiratorial whisper, "We have to do something about Ethan" "What can we do about him?" "The thing is, he is totally bat shit." "bat shit how?" "Isn't it obvious?" "Just as I was going into the kitchen, he was Tron again, all gold and emerald resplendent." "He is also that, but there is a key difference between him and you and me." "Which is?" say I, adding to the coffee filtre generous scoops of dark Costa Rican. "He is the real goods.  Yes, he is more than seventeen hundred years old, a resurrected Christian martyr and for this reason he is unable to cope here.  He does not know the difference between the realities.  We have to do something about him before something really weird and dreadful happens." "Like running around naked?" "Or Worse.  Look", he says, placing the mugs on a tray with the lacquered design of a Japanese crane,  "If he gets caught again he could be put away on extended leave for a long long time, and then they'll totally destroy that beautiful person on medications.  We have to protect him from himself." "while we are having coffee we will talk about it." "But he will be present." "Nothing about him without him." "You really mean that." "I really mean that." "The years have turned you into a hardass." "in spades,baby, in spades." "Oh you do know how to set a girl's heart aflutter."  and now we are both laughing.

2037

"What is your new name", say I. "I thought it was Benjamin." "That was my Facebook handle for the bereavement group where you and I connected. For very complex legal reasons, it would have been disastrous to reveal to you my true identity at the time. But mom and Kim were incredible. Since she moved to Duncan after she divorced my father and after I was on my own, no one would be able to trace my true identity there, so I became her long lost nephew, Liam Hargreaves. But", he says wagging his finger with emphasis, "Here, and only here, will I be known as Kenny. So, anyway, Kim got me working and eventually let me in as co-owner of her florist shop, and, I think Ethan here can tell you the rest." "This is going to be rather complicated", says Ethan, thoughtfully rubbing his right knee with his left hand, "because while we are talking about this we are still straddling two distinct realms. Right now we are seated in the presence of Jesus in the reception room of the Refuge, while simultaneously finishing lunch and starting coffee here in the home of Christopher." "I will take that as a hint, " I reply, getting up from my chair. "I presume everyone here is having coffee?" And now I am entering the kitchen, absolutely refusing to dwell on the fact that just in the last minute or so, Ethan was transformed again before my very eyes as Tron or Adrian, resplendent in his emerald green and gold robes with a strange golden light beaming from his face, but now, as I check my shoulder again, he is just Ethan, this random bike dude dressed in shorts and T shirt.

2036

"So, what exactly did happen to you, Kenny?" asks Erik, young vulnerable ingenue that he is, even at the relatively ripe age of thirty-two. "My last memory was being followed by Sven Lindstrom onto the Lion's Gate Bridge late at night, and a heated argument about his presumed sovereignty over me, then he must have hit me in the face. I woke up in a hospital bed a couple of months later, but I had no id, I had already been declared dead, and that was when Kim came to my rescue. She said that she had, with her son, Tim, found me unconscious on the beach of the island of the refuge, and transported me to Victoria where I was hospitalized. All the doctors to this day are completely baffled that I could have survived, given that I had fallen into the water from the Lion's Gate Bridge forty-five miles away in December. After my head cleared enough to remember some details of my identity, she was able to reunite me with my mother, who was a close friend of hers. But I had to assume a new identity and a new name, and I know I still haven't revealed that to you, but there was a lot of work securing all the documentation necessary to get me started again. I still remember dreams of being in the Refuge with the young Jesus and the dreams just continued for years afterward, so I think it could be safely said that I was in both places at once."

2035

"How very catholic of you", quips Carl. "I think that is why we have ghosts", say I.  "They are souls in purgatory." "But I have always thought of Purgatory as being a whole tier of prison cells that no one can escape from till after they've done their time", says Carl rather snidely. "It isn't a place", Ethan paitiently enunciates, "It is a state of being.  and Christopher is right when he says this." "And how would you know, Chris", says Carl in that patronizing tone of his that just makes me sometimes want to punch his handsome Nordic face. "Quite simply because that's exactly where I was for a while", says Kenny, "when I was in a coma, straddling both worlds, and I appeared to him in a series of dreams." "Like when you revealed to me the location of your journal." "In spades, baby...in spades..."

2034

"You would be thinking of the Desert Fathers", says Carl. "I am indeed thinking of the  Desert Fathers", says Ethan. "Who were they?" asks Erik. "When Constantine the so-called Great made the Christian Faith the official religion of the Roman Empire", replies Ethan, "he also committed treason against Christ for which he is still in Purgatory.  "Christianity was no longer costly, it was both politically and socially correct and convenient.  The representatives and guardians of the Faith soon became arrogant, lazy and corrupt.  Declaring Jesus Christ as Lord was no longer a death sentence.  so that many saints fled from the corruption that was already festering in the church out into the wilderness where they lived alone or in small collectives seeking daily the face of the living God." "You believe in Purgatory", says Carl. "as do I ", says Kenny. "And I", echoes Francois.

2033

"Did they mention the refuge?" "Nothing at all.  It is as if nothing happened to them.  Once returned they simply returned to their old familiar selves, hyper witty, campy,bitchy  and borderline queeny." "We need to talk to them", say I. "We are going to have to let them both go", says Ethan, "But it would be better to let them both stay in the condo, for the time being anyway." "You say that, because..." says Carl. "They are not prepared to let go of each other, which, if they are to move forward in discipleship, they are both going to have to consider and face." "But they are married", says Carl, "what God has joined..." "Same sex marriage, while not in itself sinful, is not the same as between a man and a woman", says Ethan. "How can you say that?", I reply, hearing faint rebuke in my tone, but I am also afraid that he might be hitting on an uncomfortable truth. "Gay marriage works well as harm reduction.  In fact, it would be suicidal for them to even think of separating before committing themselves to sobriety, and even then, they would still need each other in order to stay faithful to the program.  But for real, true, and costly discipleship, it is better for two men or two women to embrace celibacy.  I cannot explain why this is, and as much as I believe it, even our lord himself has cautioned me against being strict and judgmental, so I am also willing to shelve the matter.  But they should stay part of us because they are part of us, even if they are auxiliaries.  For Thaddai and I it was rather different, as Jesus has been prone to remind me at times.  He was my slave, and also my sex slave so I had to set him free, and that completely ended all carnality between us.  But there is also a quality of commitment that has to come before marriage or the spouse if our commitment to Christ is going to mean anything at all..."

The Peacock 1932

"How much time do you actually spend there?" says Carl.  "At the refuge." "That is the hardest part to explain to you guys", says Kenny.  "That place, and our lord, are completely out of time...or out of time as we know time.  I don't think I'm making myself very clear, but, apart from a period after I was thrown from the Lion's Gate Bridge, I have always been in Duncan.  My first memory was with some woman named Kim who apparently already knew me.  We were seated in a coffee shop in Duncan and drawing up plans for going into business together selling flowers and plants.  I already had my mother's condo I was living in, and did not have a clue how I got there.  Just after we bought the business together, I asked Kim what she knew, and she confirmed that she was  third party cosigning with me for the condo with my mom, but beyond that wasn't saying anything.  Nothing at all.  She simply said she couldn't tell me anything and ordered me to never ask her again.  But that's when the dreams all started, the first dreams I had since the dreams I was having while in a coma, trying to instruct you, Chris, about my journal." "Those were dreams about being in the refuge?"  I ask. "That is correct, only Carl and Erik were also in the dream along with Amaris and a whole whack of other people,  Then at five this morning Amaris is on the phone with me to say she was at the front door of my building and that we had to get started..."

2031

"Just listen to you two", says Francois deadpan, rolling his eyes. "Our imperturbable straight man",quips Carl. "And don't you forget it ". he replies. "With everyone kind of scattered", say I, "I'm wondering how we are going to organize meetings and get togethers and suchlike, especially with the future of the mansion being up for grabs." "There is that", says Carl. "Any word on the body search?" says Francois. "They said they'll call me at the end of the day." "where are George and Jeffrey going to fit in with the changes", say I. "I'm not altogether comfortable about their being in your condo downtown", says Carl.  "They are both alcoholics and all the candy in the world lies there at their fingertips." "They're leaving", says Francois. "Oh really?" "We talked about it yesterday.  They, or George, said they do not feel ready for the kind of sustained commitment that is required.  Plus, they are both dragging their butts about AA and recovery." "That is so sad", says Carl, "Sad, and so very frustrating..."

2031

"Butterfly Effect", I reply, stupefied. "So where does this leave us now", says the ever pragmatic, almost always unflappable Francois. "It's gonna be one day at a time", says Carl. "What exactly are going to be your plans here with us, Kenny?" say I. "for me, I have come home.  I do plan to keep my mother's condo in Duncan, as a place to retreat to when things get a little intense, and yes, things will always be getting a little intense here, and so Christopher, you will always be welcome to join me for the retreat. I am afraid I cannot extend the generosity to the rest of you since, for the simple reason, I hardly know any of you.  Chris and I are family." "Here, we are all family", says Carl, "but of course we are going to respect and uphold your boundary.  In the meantime, nobody has to worry about going hungry or homeless." "Dutch sugar daddy to the rescue", quips Kenny. "In spades, baby, in spades", is my reply. "Oh you do know how to set a girl's heart aflutter..."

2030

"Chuck told us about his three encounters with you there at the beach, then the night he slept here."  says Kenny "In your recent acquaintance", says Ethan, "He did not tell you about the Russian nuclear physicist courting his friendship, nor about his plans to take Chuck with him to Moscow to effectively train as an agent.  While you guys were  all labouring for him helping take care of street homeless people, he was also set to return, and get you, Christopher, connected in this ring of international espionage.  Then through Carl, you would both gain access to some documents that Carl's father had squirrelled away in an attic room in the mansion, all of them containing names and contact information that would have funnelled back all the required information for creating a new and improved bomb that Putin would discharge on the rest of the world for opposing his plans for annexing Ukraine, and that would be the end of everything."

2029

"Wait.  Wou know him!" "Very well", says Ethan.  "We were very close in the shelter of our Lord." "He did tell us that he spent some fifteen years at the Refuge..." "To where he has been returned.  He was about to embark on some plans with some  of you here that would have resulted not only in disaster, but would have triggered a global cataclysm." "How could that be?" says Carl, clearly troubled. "It all began with your relations with Chuck", says Kenny, "not long after I was presumed dead.  You were in deep mourning for me, then in the summer you wandered down to Wreck Beach where he was camping." "How did you know this", say I. "Right now", says Ethan, "We are in full recall of the Refuge, all of this, and someone should start recording all this before the fog sets in again, because we might end up collectively forgetting everything for a long time to come." "Ready when you are", says Francois, his laptop poised over his knees like a launching pad...

2028

"Wait a minute." Here in my wallet is Nicole's business card for Interchurch Ministries. "Hello?" she says. "Hi Nicole, it's Christopher Jones calling, you met me with Chuck last week and then you and I chatted together. " "Oh, the designated driver. Hi What can I do for you?" And her voice does indicate a very broad smile, half gleeful and half sardonic. "I am trying to get in touch with Chuck, but can't find his number anywhere. I was wondering if you could get hold of him for me?" "I was just going to call you and ask you the very same thing. We have totally lost contact with him. I can't find his number, his email, his twitter, his facebook, nothing. No one has seen or heard of him. It is as if he has disappeared entirely off the surface of the earth, or has never even existed." "That is really peculiar." "Wait, he did say something about returning to Australia..." "But how could all his contact info be suddenly obliterated from our records?" "That is peculiar. Hey Cris, I'm at Baked right now and some customers have just come in. Can I call you back in a bit?" "Yes, please do." "Any luck", says Carl. "Nicole says he has disappeared completely, and also his contact information." "You will not be hearing from him again", says Ethan...

2027

"You mean, all the rest of you here are going to have to learn to live as ordinary, but eccentric and rather strange, queer men in the here and now of 2021", mutters Francois glibly from his place on the couch.  And his dear little smile tells us the rest. "Oh, you hetero normies", scoffs Carl goodnaturedly. "Well, being the only person of colour here, surely I need something to my credit", he says smiling. "I'm not touching that", says Kenny, now laughing.  I have so missed Kenny's ready and easy laughter.  It is so good having him back. "So, Ethan,"  say I, "Welcome to our home.  "but we still need to discuss your plans while you are here, as well as our plans and vision as a community." "Shouldn't that be the plan?"  That we are a community", he replies. "We have been thrown together rather quickly, but we need to draft out a constitution." "That would be news to my ears", says Carl.  "For instance...?" "How are we going to support ourselves?" "By the largess of your own Daddy Carl", he replies. "But that is also the problem", says Francois.  "We can't just live idly at the expense of a sugar daddy." "Chuck", say I. "What about him?" "We haven't heard from him since last week." "Is his offer still relevant?" wonders Carl. "This is something I have to find out", say I, grabbing my phone from the table.  To my dismay, here I am, searching and searching my phone.  His number is not there."I cannot find his number.  Does anyone else have it?" "Not on my phone", says Carl. "Nor mine", wonders Francois. "Wait a minute", say I, rummaging through my wallet, "There happen to be a couple of other phone numbers on his card that he gave me, plus email and website.  "Wait, I found it.  Hey, this is strange.  His name and cell number aren't printed here.  Just Interchurch Urban Ministries, but here is their number. "  I hit a voicemail greeting, simply a robotic please leave your name, number and the time that you called, plus the sound of a beep, "hello Chuck, this is Christopher Jones.  I was wondering if you could give me a call please..." 

2026

Ethan is looking rather intense and frustrated right now, his folded fists resting in his lap while his tapping foot and restless leg say everything else. "I sometimes actually believe them", he is saying.  "Often.  that these really are just delusions, that I really am sick..."  and now looking up at us, his face twisted in distaste,..."and I will probably have to go back on meds..." "Except for one little detail, Ethan", says Kenny, "We just saw you, only just a moment ago, standing towering in our midst in the shimmering green and golden robes of Tron.  But now we have to learn to live as ordinary, but eccentric and rather strange, queer men in the here and now of 2021  For me not at all difficult because for years I lived in and out of drag as Cassandra, and still must coexist with Harriet, my female alter ego... "That must have been hard", says Erik. "Darling", says Kenny, now channelling Harriet, "it is amazing what a girl can get used to when she has to...

2024

"So, where does this leave us now?" say I, after returning Ethan's plate to the kitchen where I finished the washing up.  Carl and Erik were too distracted by his coming to finish the job right, and the counter still needed a good wiping. "Somewhere on Alison Road, UBC", quips Kenny. "Kenny", says Francois, "Would you like your old bedroom back?" "Then where are you going to sleep?" "Erik and I will both be occupying the den and the office.  They already have nice sofa beds and bedding and stuff." "No, I can sleep down here.  In a way I prefer it.  I don't want to time travel while living here again." "What are you going to do about your florist shop in Duncan?" says Erik  "Kim is going to be only Kim and not Thera so she can manage things in the meantime.  Her Thera self is back at the refuge with our lord. and with Thaddai", says Ethan...

2025

"Ethan", continues Kenny. "It is time to stop pretending, dear.  Kim was your foster mom. She took you in when you were thirteen, then she legally adopted you.  Thaddai is really Tim, her son by her second marriage, which also came to an end. " "They were my friends in Damascus," "Time to forget Damascus, and the Refuge, not Jesus, he is always with us.  But we have to stop living in other realms and start living again in the here and now, because now that is all we have." "But this isn't all that we are." "Of course not.  But if you don't want to end up a blithering mess of wasted genetic material languishing on meds in a locked ward again then you are going to have to live the lie with the rest of us.  We can no longer have it both ways." "I am Tron.  Also Adrian, formerly of ancient Armenia, then Necodemia, then Damascus and finally Jerusalem where I was martyred."  And now he is indeed Tron, standing and a gleaming glory of emerald and golden robes towering in our midst.  And yes, we are all seeing him now in his glorified form, but the glory now is diminishing, and again standing there, in T shirt and shorts, Ethan, random bike dude, foster child and mental patient.  He resumes his seat. "It doesn't have to be either or", says Kenny.  "It is also both and, Ethan.  But we have to live where we are." 

2023

"that just doesn't square...at all", says Erik. "Have you always lived in the same place?" "In a farm house near Cobble Hill." "And surely you have neighbours." "We have a few." "And surely some of them have noticed that a middle aged woman and two young men staying the same as they were twenty-five years ago...must be a little bit...odd?" "They don't know", says Ethan. "They don't know...what? "That our being nearby also affects their own perceptions of time and space.  Everyone there is in a state of collective unknowing." "How could that be?" "That was then, but now that the two dimensions have converged, both Thera and Thaddai ar back at the Refuge, as permanent guests, and I alone have been given dispensation to dwell here among you." "Ethan", says Kenny. "Sometime very soon, you and I are going to have to have a little talk.