Family Monkey

Today is Family Day in my province of British Columbia.  A dumb idea if you don't have a family.  Twice I have left tart phone messages with CBC Radio One imploring them to stop treating those of us who are single and alone as if we don't exist.  What is it with our current obsession with family anyway, and the way that people without families are always left sidelined and marginalized?  It has not been easy being out today, coping with the swarming crowds on the Seawall, realizing that I am one of the only people walking by myself.  It isn't that there is anything wrong with it.  I simply get tired and upset feeling constantly out of step with the rest of society, especially knowing that there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.  This is also why I left the Anglican Church.  There is nothing there, nor in many other denominations.  If you are alone you are going to stay alone.  Like me you might still have the blessing of a few close friends but they are not your family and you will always be given second or third rank when it comes to their blood kin.  This is something I absolutely do not believe in, Gentle Reader.  We are all family.  Most people either don't agree with this or can't even see it.  We are all at least distantly related to one another and yes, we do impact one another.  Every stranger that you see in public is not a stranger but your sister, your brother.

I seem to have got through it okay.  I also tend to comfort myself by reminding myself that a lot of these happy families and couples are often lying to themselves and each other about wanting to be together.  There is such an insidious network of obligation, guilt and emotional blackmail woven into the whole family fabric.  I may feel sad at times but I am also free and even if freedom can be lonely at times it is still nonetheless freedom.  I had a conversation this evening on Skype with a friend who lives in Central America.  He said that he cannot imagine how anyone could cope without family and seems quite nonplussed that I not only have to but am able to.  It isn't always easy and it is during public idiocies like Family Day when the phantom pain easily rears its ugly head.  But I always get through it.  And I think this does in the long run make us stronger.  I counselled my young Central American friend that life is a series of losses, of loved ones, friends, ability, but that for every loss we also gain something if we are open and willing and equal to the challenge.

Today is also the beginning of the Year of the Monkey, the Chinese New Year, which is also my birth year.  My element is fire and this is the Year of the Fire Monkey.  I just read a bit about Pisces Fire Monkeys.  We are supposed to be very clever, creative, restless and endowed with natural grace, stubborn, controlling, manipulative, charming, self-centred and concealing and funny.  We also make very loyal friends and tend to be fond of everybody, if with a touch of irony.  I suppose that some of these things hold true with me.

This monkey needs a family.  And this monkey is prepared to live without one.  Who then is my family?