A Modest Proposal For The Anglican Church Of Canada

Gentle Reader, as you well know, I have been circulating a petition to ask the federal government of my dear true north strong and free, Canada, to make housing a fundamental human right.  It isn't getting a lot of traction and after a whopping thirty-seven signatures it has remained stagnant at that less than lofty cipher for several days now.  I have tried several strategies, but there seems to be still in this country an entrenched mentality of meritocracy.  Even though it has been proven over and over again that housing first is the way to go for combatting street homelessness many of us are still brainwashed by the Depression Era logic that everyone has to pull themselves up by their own bootstraps, even if they don't have boots, walking shoes or sneakers or flip flops.  Even if we are barefoot, Gentle Reader, we are not excused, but we have to stop crying and consider the man who has no legs.

So, here is the link again to my poor neglected petition, if anyone would like to sign it:


https://secure.avaaz.org/en/petition/Canadian_Prime_Minister_Justin_Trudeau_make_housing_a_Canadian_human_right/


I have been targeting the various churches in O Canada lately, methodically looking for directories and then emailing the links.  I am currently focussed on my old sacred alumnae, the Anglican Church, and still find myself in Nova Scotia, where there appear to be a lot of Anglicans, and a lot of conservatives.  Hence, no signatures on my benighted petition.

Anglicans tend to be, among Christians, a very self-centred lot.  They are very good at making all the right sympathetic noises while ringing their genteel hands but when it comes to the crunch they will likely choose cathedral bells over community kitchens.  In the case of our own cathedral here in Vancouver they actually opted for both.  The bulk of the money of course did not go into the community kitchen, though still a most convenient accessory for optics and good reportage.

As some of you already know, Gentle Reader, I have been on a lengthy furlough from the church, notably the Anglican Church.  I am enjoying my three year sacred holiday from church attendance though I do pay a visit, from time to time, if only to remind myself of why I no longer go.  Last Sunday, for example, I paid a courtesy call to my parish church, my first visit in two and a half years.  I'm actually glad I went, but I had to take care to avoid contact with people there.  Like many Anglican parish churches, this one, if it was given a mental health diagnosis, would have borderline personality disorder.  Everyone tries to act friendly and will cross whatever boundaries to show you that they are friendly and welcoming.  Passing the peace is a downright love-in!  However, if you want to actually find community, make friends, enter a network of meaningful connections...

well...

You might consider joining a meetup group!

I simply stayed on my knees with my face in my hands and everyone left me alone.  I left during the closing hymn, avoiding further contact with well-intentioned hypocrites...

It was a lovely service!

Later, at home, I had a look at their webpage.  I noticed their program for spiritual direction, something I had been thinking of for myself, given how sick I am of being fed Buddha babble by the counsellor I have been seeing.  The program did look attractive, a trained spiritual director who will meet with you once a month for meaningful engagement as he walks with you on your spiritual path.  Then, at the bottom, the price tag. 

That's right, Gentle Reader, forty bucks an hour.  For spiritual direction.  In the church.  Come buy without money, come buy without price, INDEED!!!  A bargain if you're already well-heeled, and there appears to be in the Anglican Church a tacit expectation that you are going to be on a comfortable income, otherwise you are not going to be quite as welcome as others.

So, Gentle Reader, my modest proposal for the Anglican Church.  I have thought long and hard about this ever since I was first inflicted upon by the stewardship program when I first began attending my former parish church.  I had not been there three months and I had been harassed three times or more to start giving money to the church.  Then, as now, I was on a low income pulling only a little more than minimum wage.  And if I tried to explain this to these insensitive parishioners they feigned deafness.  And now spiritual direction is being offered, forty bucks a pop.  The marketing of Christian discipleship.  Christianity as a commodity. 

So, how about emulating the Compass Card strategy that our public transit system has embraced?  That's right.  Charge admission.  Sell special smart cards (nothing should be free) to parishioners and set up fare gates at the doors of the churches with scanners.  They can be works of art: wrought iron, neo-gothic, aboriginal with thunderbird motif, the sky's the limit!  Keep the bums out who won't pay and soon the church coffers will be overflowing and the joy shall flow out from the doors and stain glass windows like oil, honey and wine!