Postmortem 55

I seem to be moving into a new phase of life.  Everyone seems to be moving into a new phase of life.  This pandemic affects everyone, of course.   I'm trying to think of what has changed in my life since covid 19.  Quite a lot.  I work from home, and in some ways it really feels like I am working less, in other ways, like I'm working more, because now it is all the harder to separate work from home, though the phone is always turned off, so that gives me some illusion of privacy.

Until just this past week, it was impossible to meet any friends in a coffee shop because they were all closed except for takeout, but yesterday for the first time since I left Costa Rica in March I could sit in a café with a friend.  Mostly, I visit with people online, Skype or messenger, and I am actually spending a lot more time communicating with friends now than ever before.

I no longer attend church, and we already know about my dramatic exodus from the Anglican Church.   Otherwise, nothing much seems to be happening.  I seem to care more about other people.  I always have cared for other people, but since my visit to Colombia last February this experience of love for others seems to have magnified exponentially. 

Otherwise, nothing seems much different.  We are still the same people except I think we are also experiencing more of just how vulnerable we are.  As if vulnerability were something bad and to be ashamed of or embarrassed about, like having a nail-biting habit, or being a voyeur, or a supporter of the Conservative Party of Canada.

I believe that being vulnerable is good.  In fact, it is essential to our long-term survival and well-being.  You see, darlings, becoming vulnerable means also acquiring humility.  Without humility, we are not going to learn, we are not going to open our lives to new people or new experiences, and thus we do not grow and we really start to lose our human viability.  I have seen this happen to others, and it is sad, sad, so sad.  I have at times seen it happen to me, and I found it terrifying. 

Living in uncertain times has really ripped our lives open.  This is good, because now we can really start to get on with this very serious business of really learning to be human beings.  And hopefully we will find enough joy in this serious business to not want to give it up on becoming truly human. 

Heaven knows where we are going...we´ll know we're there!