On The Existence Of God

This is a conversation I almost never have with people and for many reasons: first and foremost it is a matter of respect.  Some many years ago the friend of a friend tried to get me into this kind of debate.  I had mentioned about being willing to go wherever God wanted to take me, not to start a conversation on the subject but simply in an off-handed way.  This man tried to engage me on the existence of God and I replied that for me this is something very personal and I am not comfortable discussing it.  He rather snorted like a proud German shepherd dog that had just been scolded and our mutual friend appeared less than pleased with me but we did leave it there.
     This morning I was reading an article on CBC Online about British premier, David Cameron, and the controversy surrounding his comments about Great Britain being a Christian nation.  I briefly scanned some of the comments and when I saw one where a particularly miserable atheist referred to Jesus as a fabricated fiction I nearly replied.  I held back, mostly because this is not my argument.  An online forum is the worst possible setting for discussing religious faith and I say this because it is such an intensely personal matter and a deeply personal experience.  No one commenting online has any way of knowing anything about the personal history, life, sufferings and experience of other commenters and vice-versa.  And you know something else?  It is impossible to confine a full and comprehensive discussion about faith, religion and spirituality, unless the holistic experience of the whole persons involved in the conversation are taken into full account, and this is impossible on an internet forum.
     While I was out for a walk with one of my clients the subject of our shared humanity somehow came up and I mentioned what an absolute marvel it is that on this small planet, sustained by a tiny insignificant star in our galaxy, not only is there life, but such life that would produce human beings with this incredible capacity for thought, consciousness and self-perception.  I almost, but declined to, add that the very fact that we are able to ask ourselves that question confirms the reality of the existence of God.  Because of our professional arrangements, and out of complete respect for my client, since I know nothing of his spiritual or religious beliefs or proclivities, I wisely remained silent.
     A bit later I found myself browsing in Chapters, our gigantic chain bookstore.  There was a book on display titled "Living With A Wild God".  I cannot remember the author's name but I briefly scanned the dust jacket.  She was an atheist for many years who then had a spontaneous experience, or revelation of God.  I am hoping to read this book in time.  I did think as I took the down escalator (I said it's a gigantic bookstore) how believing in God comes greatly through experience and often has little to do with skeptical or intellectual inquiry.  I recall reading something of Blaise Pascal's defense of the existence of God and found myself thinking, "how unnecessary."
     I did not come to believe in God through intellectual inquiry.  I wasn't even consciously seeking a religious or spiritual experience when I was converted to Christianity.  For me it came absolutely unexpected.  I was open and ready.  I was not simply seeking meaning in my young fourteen year old life but to grasp the heart of the reality of what is good, true, pure and lovely.  No amount of research, reading, intellectual or philosophical inquiry would have accomplished this.  A loving, humble and open heart desiring to understand others and help heal the miserable wounds of our world, alone, could do this for me.
     I think this is why I am not interested in spiritual exercises, nor of how-to books and dissertations about prayer, meditation and contemplation.  God is not accessed through technique, nor by applying the right recipe with the correct ingredients.  But, a humble and broken heart he will not despise.