So much of our ingrown and inbred and socially-enculturated prejudice prevents many of us from actually growing in community with others. As many of you know, I attend an Anglican parish church where the majority of the members are, if not stinking wealthy, at least fairly comfortable. Middle to upper middle class, almost all conventionally caucasian, British roots, natch. For someone like me, single, queer, gender non-binary, highly creative, very involved in my Christian vocation, and very poor, it is really challenging to find common ground with a lot of those people that isn't to be found strictly within the parameters of our shared faith and Christian experience and witness.
I don't think there is any ill intention involved here, rather, middle class Christians often are hobbled by middle class thinking, and this makes their lives into a kind of impregnable fortress. They unconsciously manage to keep anyone out, or at a safe distance, who doesn't share almost all their values and lifestyle choices and preferences. Like a kind of socially-construed firewall that protects a lot of them from people like me. As though I'm a virus that needs to remain screened out. This is not usually intentional. It is unconscious, and I don't think that any of them are even aware that they are doing it. But this can make connecting meaningfully with others, for outsiders like me, difficult, and after a while tiring, painful and demoralizing.
It isn't that I am not valued by these people. I think that at least some of them value me, and would sincerely like to reach out more. And I certainly value them, otherwise I would not be reaching out to any of them in friendship. But this leaves me feeling less than valued, and inclined to give up after a while, withdraw and become bitter and resentful. And those same nice middle class Anglicans usually don't have a clue that they are casting this kind of shadow, nor of how it impacts, chills and freezes out the stranger who lives in their midst.
I am not confident that this is going to change much. It is difficult bringing it to people's attention because they are going to become defensive, feel judged and misunderstood. Well, my message to you guys is this:
Of course you are going to feel misunderstood and judged. People always do when they have no idea how they are affecting those who end up getting hurt in their midst. But the truth is, I have to struggle to understand you people, as well, and I also have to struggle to not judge any of you. Just as some of you must also have to struggle to not judge or misunderstand me. But I am going to ask you to take an extra step with me. I know that your lives are already very busy, full of family and lovely friends, and colleagues and that you simply have no room, or very little room left for others, especially if we are not like you. So, this is my challenge. Do something about it. Make room. Reach out. Make time for me, and for others who are like me. You may not realize it, but I also have a busy life, with people in my life. I could get along very nicely without any of you, but that is also rather selfish thinking and inimical to forming community.
I also know that for real Christian community to form and grow, we have to extend ourselves more, all of us, and this also means making an effort to make room in our lives, in our homes, or at least in the local coffee shop, maybe just one afternoon a month, to befriend and get to know the other, which I still am in your midst. Fortunately there are a couple of people at St. Faith's who are doing this with me.....
More please....
I do hope that one day that some of you will start thinking outside of the lovely little boxes you have constructed for yourselves. But I'm not expecting it. I know better.
All for now, Ducks!
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