Goody Bag

Well that's what Xaviera Hollander called it.  Remember her?  The famous or infamous author of the Happy Hooker?  I was seventeen when I read her book.  My mom bought it and left it lying around the apartment.  She was actually okay with me reading it and it fueled some rather interesting mother and son dialogue.  Oh did I also mention that I was a fundamentalist Christian in those days?  Teenage Jesus Freak!  But I was also curious and wanted to know everything about...well...everything.  I have to admit that I have never burst out laughing out loud so many times while reading a book about...well...anything.  Then came the bit about her goody bag.  Yes, that is what one of the twentieth century's most famous whores called it.  Her black carryall where she hid all her bondage gear-whips, handcuffs and more-when she was making...er...house calls?

I'll give you a few moments, Gentle Reader, to stop giggling and compose yourself...

It was during this time that I was already carrying an army knapsack.  This was purchased for me by a friend in the Jesus People.  We all carried these canvas shoulder bags for our Bibles and tracts.  It made it easier to spread the Gospel.  I carried in it of course my Bible and tracts and a notebook and often something to read (no, not the Happy Hooker, Gentle Reader, she stayed home with my mom right where she belonged.

Now I'm sure you are dying to know what else I carried in my Goody Bag.  Food, usually.  Fresh fruit, yogurt, dates, halvah, sesame snaps and always blue cheese.  And a bamboo container of dried lavender.  No drugs.  I said already that I was a Christian.  I didn't use drugs.  Try convincing local police.  The sight of a teenage boy with shoulder length hair dressed like a hippy and carrying a canvas army bag with this hundred watt light bulb grin on his face was only likely to catch attention.  I cannot remember how many times I got jacked up by police, questioned, asked for id taken in for questioning, all at the tender age of seventeen.  I did enjoy a little bit of schadenfreud seeing the expression on the police officers' faces when they saw the Bible inside my goody bag along with the blue cheese and lavender.

I have always carried with me a goody bag.  It is such an essential part of my wardrobe that I never feel fully dressed when I step outside without one.  Even though I'm still a Christian, and likely always will be, I no longer carry a Bible in my goody bag.  Usually a small book, usually a novel or short story collection always in Spanish for reading on the bus.  My sketchbook and pencil crayons and coloured pens for when I want to stop in a coffee shop for a little artwork.  I also carry paperwork on occasion and a photo album with images of some of my paintings (I never know when someone might want to have a look and who knows even buy one.  Only in my dreams!) and a couple of day timers.

My goody bag is not a man purse by the way.  Ridiculous ostentatious yuppie contraptions made of fine tooled leather or suede and worth hundreds, sometimes thousands of dollars.  I would never be caught dead wearing a man purse.  A goody bag need not cost more than fifty though sometimes they can get up towards a hundred but usually shouldn't cost more than twenty or even less.  Made of canvas or cotton, coloured khaki green, beige or black and they all serve the same purpose and make the same statement: ______