I have decided to go on a verbal fast when it comes to interacting with strangers who behave like idiots. This is not going to be easy. I have long believed in speaking out when something doesn't seem to be right. Then this tendency went into overdrive and I would find myself ragging on strangers for second hand smoke, skateboarding on sidewalks, yelling in my ear, you name it. It hasn't always been an exercise in futility and some have actually responded benignly and even with humility. Others, not so much. But it hasn't been so much the conflict this has generated at times, but it does take up a lot of emotional energy. I really think that I am made for better than educating idiots, or the raising of overgrown children whose parents failed them miserably the first twenty years of their lives. Neither has this done anything to help my peace of mind. Rather than alleviating my stress, this tendency of trying to correct other people's badly raised children has been emotionally draining, and at times dangerous, and I really want to be a little more constructive with my energy. I believe this is also called picking your battles.
I have done well more and less these past three days of clamping it shut. I would even say that I have been a lot better over the last few years. People have cycled past me on sidewalks, blithely and as though in an altered state and I have said not a thing about getting their lazy ass off the sidewalk, or walk their goddamn bicycle; smokers have sailed by me floating on a blue cloud of carcinogenic euphoria without hearing not even a censorious snort from me, though on a couple of occasions I was careful either to cross to the other side of the street or discreetly wave their smoke away from me. Today I did put my fingers in my ears (while balancing my big golf umbrella) when a whistling dork tried to serenade everyone at the bus stop. I had only to glance at him once and he stopped. Neither have I bounced off of interlopers nearly walking into me the kind loving words, "Excuse me works". Usually I have been trying to discern that something is going on in these people's lives, I do not know what it is, that it could be anything mundane or something hugely tragic and life-altering and I simply offer up a prayer for them and walk on. Or I try to be kind to strangers. On the sidewalk this morning, after avoiding temptation to comment with snark at someone, I complimented a young man for his beautiful umbrella (every colour of the rainbow and then some). On the bus this afternoon after restraining myself from reacting when a young woman's bag almost bounced off my face, I offered her my seat, hoping she would be more comfortable. She politely declined but appeared to appreciate the gesture. Two men standing were having a rather loud conversation next to me, which felt invasive, but instead I apologized for eavesdropping when one of them mentioned that downtown Granville must be really wild during the small hours of the morning, and shared with them what it's like for me living there, and how I simply stay home and watch YouTube during evenings. They were friendly and seemed amused and suddenly I liked them.
This is not easy and I don't expect it to be easy, and it probably is never going to be easy. So much has changed since I was younger. This city is more crowded and everything is louder and noisier. There is new construction everywhere filling the air with unwelcome and invasive noise and erasing out of existence the city I once knew and loved. Sirens are more strident and ear-splitting, children are being poorly raised, behave abominably and everywhere you can almost see glass being shattered by their continuous ultrasonic squeals. Everyone is talking on their handheld device making a quiet bus ride or a peaceful table in a café a fond and distant memory. Others are swept up in this current wave of narcissistic entitlement, caring not a tinker's damn about how their inconsiderate behaviour is impacting others. People tend to be ruder and more prone to launching into volleys of verbal abuse and profanity at complete strangers should they be told off for their crappy behaviour. And don't get me started about irresponsible dog-owners.
We also have larger, collective stress: the onslaught of global capitalism and how this has made competition for even a low-paying service industry job fierce, ruthless and dehumanizing; most of the new jobs created are low-paying, part time and contract positions, like mine; generally people are earning less and paying more for food and especially for housing. Those low and middle income earners brave enough to stay in this obscenely costly city often live saddled with debt, from paycheque to paycheque and often don't know if they will still have a job or a place to live next month. We are also being inundated with other collective, global fear: the effects of global warming and climate change, international terrorism, and Donald Trump. All of these pressures and this fear impacts us and we either shut down, act out, or both.
For me, being told by a counsellor who is young enough to be my daughter that coping with all this is all my problem is a little bit of an insult to my intelligence, given that she doesn't have a clue about how things were when I was her age, nor the huge learning curve and humongous adjustments that I and others of my generation have had to make in order to cope with these and other sweeping changes in our lives. She has no idea that there was a time when people phoned and visited each other, children were better behaved and people tended to be a little more considerate and things were generally a little more peaceful and a bit simpler. Of course, we were also living through the Cold War and in the shadow of nuclear missiles ready to be launched and destroy all life on this earth as we knew it. This threat has not exactly gone away, incidentally.
Sure, we were not spoiled by all the technological advances and the endless choices of everything that now we all take for granted like jaded spoiled rich kids. There are also many changes that I appreciate: the Internet for example and the absolute freedom of accessible information about almost everything. I also find Skype pretty awesome.
Now this hasn't been easy, and yes, Mother, I am dancing as fast as I can. So, cut me a little slack, already. Coping with all these changes, and trying to enjoy life on an earth with an uncertain future is not a cakewalk. Yes, I will cut you all a little slack for acting like idiots. By the same token I also expect to be cut some slack for those times when I can no longer hold my tongue and let you have it for being an idiot. In the meantime I am trying my level best to behave.
Patience, please.
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