The Peacock 83

 "Even though he was dead, Kenny long remained for me a constant presence.  I didn't see him every day, I mean in visions or dreams, but for a while it was going on two or three times a week.  In our dreams, and I think they were his dreams as well as my own, we were having these interminable conversations.  I could never remember any of what was} being said, but it didn't seem to matter.  We could have been talking about anything, be it his favourite high heels when he was a sex worker, or the weather, or the menu in his favourite restaurant, it all would have meant the same.  He was present with me, and I made the mistake of revealing this to my therapist, so I was put on meds even if I didn't need or want them, and they didn't change the dreams.  But they did leave me feeling dull and heavy.  The only thing that changed for me was that I  simply lied whenever my psychiatrist asked me about the dreams.  I didn't want to ruin it for him, you know."

"You talk", says Carl, "As if Kenny really was there, and you really were having those conversations with him."

"Because he was really there, and we really were having those conversations.  He said he didn't feel ready to leave me, not till I could help him get out of that awful place he was in.  Simply, he told me that killing himself was the worst thing he could have done.  It put him in a really bad pace, and so I worked with him.  I would go into that place with him, and then take him by the hand and lead him towards the light, and each time, he made a little bit of progress.  And I could always feel his presence with me."

"You're really sure of this?"

"As sure as I am talking to you, Carl." He does look perturbed, disconcerted, as though now I have really thrown him a curveball.  "I have evidence."

"Evidence?  How could something like that possibly be proven?"

"About two years after his death, Kenny told me he was almost where he needed to be.  In our sessions together the light had been getting a lot closer.  He felt he was on the verge of his eternal redemption, and he even told me that soon the dreams would stop, but I would always feel his presence with me.  And, you know, I do.  He is even here in this room with us."

"But you said you have evidence" Carl says.

"Carl, on your left, against the wall, you will find my backpack.  Could you pass it to me please...?"