High Standards

I've been accused at times of having unrealistically high standards.  I often have trouble understanding what is meant by this.  I certainly like to do things well, or as well as I can on my limited resources and I don't think that I put these same expectations on others.  Or do I?  It is often really difficult to maintain one's balance.  On one  hand I feel bombarded by messages from my upbringing, my education, my job, my church, and my peers and friends to be the best I am, to do the best that I can and to not judge others for not living up to my high standards because I'm going to be disappointed.  Much as others are going to be disappointed that I haven't lived up to their high standards.
     I have also at times felt terribly inadequate around others with high standards even if they haven't been directly or intentionally judging me for not being as perfect as they are.  I'm talking about incredibly high achievers who have travelled the world, participated in community development and emergency aid in other countries as well as their own communities, for showing gifts of leadership, for simply achieving in a matter of a year more than I could hope to accomplish in a lifetime. 
     My expectations of myself have been decidedly lowered as I get older.  I no longer believe or even hope to become a famous writer or artist.  I don't even expect that I will ever see anything I have written published, or anything that I've painted hanging in a good gallery.  I don't even think I'm that good an artist or writer.  They are things I enjoy doing and I often enjoy the results of my creative endeavours. 
     The opinion of others is never a reliable gage.  I have noticed that my art is often openly praised while my writing, well, my short stories are often greeted with silence and I seldom hear any real critique of what I've written.  So maybe I could deduce that writing is not my strong suit.  Which is odd in a way because there are some who think my writing to be far better than my painting and, perhaps, vice versa?  So I can't really listen to what others say be it positive or negative but continue to carve out my course in life.
     I don't think I have an inferiority complex nor a superiority complex.  I would like to be friends with as many people as possible without having to make what I think to be unnecessary compromises, which is to say that I shouldn't have to pretend to be someone I am not in order to cultivate friendship.  These aren't real friendships anyway, not if we all have to keep silent about who we are and walk on eggshells with each other.
     I don't really think it is a matter of having high standards or not, but rather an inability to speak or understand the same language.  I have been finding this in the church that I am in the process of leaving.  I often have agonized over not being good enough for the people there only to hear from a trusted friend that actually it is the opposite that may be true, that people there do not feel they can live up to my standard, whatever the hell that would be.  I don't believe this.
     There are so many subtle clues, cues and signals in the way we communicate that I don't think one can simply say "this person thinks he's better than we are" or "he isn't worth the dirt under our shoes."  I see this rather as a failure of chemistry, or an inability to understand each other, and frankly, most people are usually too lazy, too indifferent, too selfish, or too tired and burnt-out to even want to try.  Even when I try to understand the others in this church, or anywhere, the gesture is rarely reciprocated because, well, people are just too busy.
     I will continue to have, maybe not high standards, but a drive and desire to do my best and be my best.  I will also continue to try to understand and accept those who aren't interested in me or my friendship, be they in the church or not.  I will also continue to struggle to see and touch Christ in them and in others and to not inflict my own standards on others.  In this regard I hope that my standards remain always at their very highest.