Sexy Birds

First let me begin with peacocks.  Aren't they just absolutely, stunningly, formidably gorgeous?  And to think that the ostentatious attire of the male, more Art Nouveau than Art Nouveau itself is specifically designed for...well, for sex.  Yes.  The eye spots on the tail feathers, their symmetry and colour, it is all to draw in and entrance and utterly seduce the drab and usually indifferent looking peahens.  So while the male is at his most, er, shall we say...excited, with his tail fanned out in shimmering and scintillating glory, while crying out like the dreadful trumpet blast of Armageddon, and screaming out in a series of thunderous wails something rather like "Look at me, Yeah, I'm AWESOME!!, just the most AWESOME thing with feathers you did ever see, you lucky plain little ladies, you.  I'm AWESOME, I'm AWESOME, I'm AWESOME!  AWESOME!  AWESOME!  AWESOME!!!  The peahen meanwhile doesn't appear interested, but kind of pecks around on the ground for a little bug here, a seed there, maybe just glancing up from time to time but don't let yourselves be fooled.  She is taking the measure of this hot young stud with fancy feathers, and she needs time to digest the information and make up her mind if he is worthy.  Sound familiar, ladies?

 Where I differ with popular opinion about peafowl (the correct name for the species) is that the males, or peacocks are vain.  They probably never look in mirrors, have absolutely no clue that they are beautiful and would simply rather eat, mate and enjoy their time on this planet.

 

Hummingbirds are rather like miniature peacocks, in a way, because they are tiny and iridescent and gorgeous and promiscuous as all get out.  Where they differ is that the peacock will mate with a number of hens and add them to his harem, rather like a Saudi sheik gone wild.  The male hummingbird couldn't be bothered.  Any available, or unavailable female is fair game.  The male, spotting a female will soar up into the sky then plunge down like a bungee jumper on crack singing out in his squeaky little voice, "Wee!  Wee! Look at me!  Look at me!  Look at me!"  Then as soon as the female looks willing and available he swoops down, does the deed and inside a couple of seconds he flies off looking for his next conquest.  The female of course is left on her own, a single mother and does it rather well.


Just yesterday, while sitting for a fresh air break on a park bench between work assignments I saw a pigeon, presumably male run suddenly as fast as his little legs could carry him towards an available female and he suddenly puffed himself out twice his normal size and bobbed and danced and strutted around her cooing "Dumb stupid bird, dumb stupid bird, I'm a dumb stupid bird, dumb stupid bird, dumb stupid bird."  She kind of ignored him and they ended up just pecking around for snacks to eat, or maybe this was their idea of a date (It's just lunch) and then maybe he would get lucky.  Pigeons are sometimes known as sky rats.  I think of them more as flying pigs.  But they are pretty, nonetheless.

 

As I have just alluded pigeons are neither particularly bright nor astute or discriminating in their choice of partner.  Some years ago while waiting for a bus on the corner of Hastings and Main (for those readers who do not know this infamous street corner it is the heart of the Downtown Eastside of Vancouver, Canada's poorest postal code) I looked down at the pavement and I couldn't believe my eyes.  There was a pigeon trying to mate with a crow.  Yes, this dumb bird was actually trying to jump the poor crow's bones!  I felt so sorry for the crow, who kept trying to sidestep the pigeon whom for all I know might have been stoned on crack.

 

The crow actually had rather a humble and sad aspect like the one pictured here.  Perhaps she was down on her luck.

Speaking of attempted miscegenation among birds I am reminded of my first trip to Costa Rica where I was visiting a bird zoo where they care for and release back into the wild sick and injured birds.  In a glass cage were three native birds:
a purple honeycreeper


a scarlet thighed dacnis



and an Inca dove



The dove, a small bird itself was at least twice the size of its colourful cage mates, both of which kept trying to mount and mate with her.   It seemed sad and pathetic and I would not be at all surprised if the poor dove was traumatized.  Maybe some might think she should feel flattered getting this kind of attention from such gorgeous suitors but trust me when I say this since I know a thing or two about the subject: it really makes no difference how handsome the male.  Rape is rape.

So much for naughty birdies.  I sometimes think of those birds that mate for life, such as swans:



Ravens



and parrots, especially Hyacinth Macaws



Now, I said they mate for life.  I didn't say that they are faithful, but that's for another blog.

In conclusion let me mention the bee eaters, cousins to the kingfishers.  They nest communally and whether they are related or not they always feed one another's children.  Cool eh?  Here are some images of some of my favourite birds, the bee-eaters:



Thanks for reading, everybody!