Influence 3

So, here is how I turned out: I am an aging Christian, brighter than average bohemian artist who cares for other people and the environment and really wants to contribute to making this world a better place. I am queer, asexual, alone, live quietly, I am poor, but I still live surrounded by art and beauty. I have a number of friends of diverse ages, occupations, interests and nationalities. I have always voted for left wing and progressive politicians and parties but I hate political correctness for its ideological tyranny, lack of humour, psychological dexterity, sensitivity to or awareness of anything that exists beyond its limited scope, or acceptance of diversity (ironic, this), but I also am very strong on the rights and inclusion of marginalized people, including trans, queers, people of colour, religious minorities, etc. (but just don't tell me what to do or say or how to say it or you will live to regret it!). As much as I hate hypocrisy, I am often painfully and embarrassingly aware of my own hypocrisies. I hate sports and competition and prefer long walks in the countryside or in quiet neighbourhoods and parks over competitive sports or going to the gym (I hate gyms and simply will not enter one). I believe that God's presence is imminent and strongly real for me. I love nature and animals, especially birds. I love colour. I enjoy jokes and humour. I like meeting new people and making friends. I also love solitude because it helps me breathe, relax, and think, pray and contemplate. I also enjoy stirring the pot and shocking people, but not to the point of hurting anyone. I love music, but especially classical music, and especially early music, Renaissance and Baroque. I enjoy talking and listening and learning. I speak Spanish fluently and travel every year in Latin America. I am also a survivor of a mental health diagnosis which I feel I have totally kicked in the ass, and enjoy a full and complete recovery. I enjoy reading, in two languages. My question here is, what have my parents had to do with the way I turned out, and I have to say, very little. I am quite disciplined, like both my parents (especially my mother) but this is a skill I have had to teach myself, though I have drawn somewhat on their influence. I am quick to anger, like my mom, and tend to be impatient with myself and others. Like both my parents, I can be quite irritable. I was still a child when I rejected both my parents' racism, but we also had the benefit of TV and seeing Martin Luther King's march on washington in order to persuade me that Mom and Dad were both decidedly, tragically and horribly wrong. At least my mother came a bit closer to admitting it, though I have never heard her apologize for anything she did in my life, and later, when I was thirty, instead of hearing me out when I tried to confront her on her abuse when I was a child, simply had a meltdown and then wouldn't speak to me for six months. I do apologize, frequently, though it can be an ordeal persuading me when I ought to. In this way, yes, I am like Mom. Like my dad, I love nature and being outdoors. Unlike him, I would rather befriend animals than eat them (I am also vegetarian). I have never owned or driven a car, and I have always refused to, specifically for the environment. Not fitting in well with a lot of social norms (but not being really that strange, either) it has always been hard for me to find decently paying work, and the resulting poverty, and lack of help from my parents or the government made it necessary for me to shelve my aspirations of graduating from university, thus forever denying me decently paid employment. I think this is a bit like my mom, because she never was able to live up to her full potential either, and my dad always had a strong social and family network that helped keep him afloat and well-employed, if not well educated, all of his life. His self-centred indifference towards me and my well being haven't really helped either, but that is all forgiven, and besides that, he is dead and no longer can defend himself. To be honest, I do carry personality traits from both my parents. But I decided that I was going to play those cards rather differently, and even if I haven't won the pot, I still have come out of the game rather well, and I think all the richer for it.