Life As Performance Art 190

This has to be yes and no, as to whether or not I will freely tell just anyone anywhere what I really feel or what I really think about things. I am always trying to be aware of the people I am with, what they are needing or willing to hear from me, whether or not this would be helpful to them, and mutually helpful to our friendship or working relationship. This of course comes from my long professional experience as a care and support provider in social and health and community services. starting as one who will never be famous for tact or diplomacy, I have had to learn this from the ground up, and it has sometimes been a very bumpy flight. You simply cannot be cruel and blunt with someone who is in the middle of trauma or grieving. Other times, the worst you can do for some people is to eternally dance around the subject, so it has been quite the learning curve, balancing tact with bluntness. I think in some ways, I have become rather like a politician in my dealings with others. I try to take care to taylor and select what I am going to talk about, the way I am going to say it, tone of voice, choice of words, and perhaps filtre out any personal references or insults or whatever that might offend or be easily misconstrued, or simply will not be comprehended, especially across cultural barriers and differences. And I try to listen to my own voice while I am speaking, always carefully studying the other for their reactions, facial expressions or twerks, their body language, especially when they start reaching for the nearest rock or brick to hurl at me. I have really had to altogether cut out, or at least severely cut back on swearing, which is not a bad skill to acquire. I still use, on occasion, profanity, but very sparingly, and only when it really seems the most effective way of getting the point across. For example, a couple of weeks ago when my priest wanted me to write this blog in a way that was much nicer (which is to say, insipid), as she and the archbishop were both concerned that since I was such a nice, kind and gentle person face to face, then why couldn't I write a blog that also seemed so much nicer. I simply gave her a sweet little smile and in a quiet little voice replied to her that "I will write whatever the fuck I want". Oh, the puss on her when she heard that! I also try to carefully hear and express appreciation for feedback, while listening oh so carefully to the tone of voice, just to be sure that I haven't crossed any lines or boundaries while trying my utmost to be sure that I have communicated well, and at least gotten my point across. Even if I might happen to disagree. I would rather have friends than be right all the time, and as anyone who has read my posts on this forum will know, I can be pretty damn opinionated and annoying at times. An atheist is simply not going to be interested in hearing about my spiritual experiences, neither am I going to want to get into useless debates with such over the existence of God, and this sort of thing can really damage or stymie a relationship and sow ill will between people. Likewise about politics. I tend to be progressive, and to some, even radical, but if the person I am with is a dyed in the whatever conservative, I am more likely to keep my mouth shut, unless they might happen to be certain conservative privileged idiots who attend the Anglican church I go to, then watch me rip into them! It is not simply not wanting to offend others, but to recognize that we are not going to be all on the same page and that trust and respect first need to develop between people before we can get down to controversial matters. By the same token, I am often still trying to figure out my own position about various matters, and I really have to be selective about whom I am going to think out loud around. I have a handful of friends whom I can really trust and feel safe around, and even with each of them I try to cut and taylor and edit things, knowing that buttons could be pressed, especially if they are feeling fragile for some reason, but also respecting that they just might not be on the same page as me. A bit frustrating at times, because I really like to be as open as possible, but I will not jeopardize a friendship over my narcissistic need to be heard and applauded. On the other hand, neither will I be censored, by anyone. Not even by myself, if necessary. Not even if the first head to roll might happen to be my own, Gentle Reader.