The Peacock 1423

"There is space for you at our table", says Chuck. I really don't feel like it, but only out of the most strict politeness am I going to accept the invitation. Thanks to Dad, I have a strong and noble sense of etiquette. "What a conincidence", says Cynthia, as I position myself in the chair opposite to her. "You can say that again", says Nicole, stifling laighter. "You know each other", says Chuck. "They came into Baked yesterday." "And..did they get baked?" "His friends did. Cookies. But this gentleman was the epitome of self-restraint and respectability." "And the designated driver", say I. "That too..."

The Peacock 1410

But now she herself is getting up to leave. I find it hard to believe that she has actually aged one single day in the twenty years that have passed since Carl knew her in Amsterdam. She is tall, incredibly tall, slender but with the broad shoulders of a man, accentuaed by the black leather bomber jacket that barely covers her tight black T shirt. She is wearing super tight jeans and high heeled black leather boots that strike the floor like a Clydesdale's hooves on cobblestones as she walks towards the door, her long poker straight blonde hair swaying with ensouciance as she selects an umbrella from the bucket by the door and leaves the café.

The Peacock 1409

"Have you and Francois thought any more of working with us." "We only need to know when we should start." "Are you okay with waiting another couple of weeks? We are going to be in a lot of meetings with Stella." "Stella?" "Our visitor from Amsterdam. She is at our table right now. "that's her over there?", and rather weakly I am gesturing vaguely in her direction. "That's right. She used to do sex work in Amsterdam, yers ago, and she has some rather refreshing perspectives on integrating harm reduction and support with rehab, education and rescue. We are very excited about her being on board with us." Chuck must have caught the panicked, frightened look that must surely be all over my face right now. "Chris, are you alright?" "Oh yes. I'm fine." "Cynthia", calls Chuck. "A stroke of luck. Christoher is here right now and he can drive you back to his place for lunch today." "Hello Christopher", she calls back. "Do come and join us if you'd like. " Stella doesn't appear to notice or care to notice that I am here. Which is really a relief...

The Peacock 1408

I must right now have the face of a frightened rabbit as I look stupidly at my old friend. "What brings you here today?" I have not yet had time to reach for my phone. "I was in the neighbourhood", say I. "I hope I'm not interupting your meeting." "We're finished now. Cynthia and Nicole and I are just orientating a visitor from the Netherlands who is going to provide us some professional mentoring." "Cynthia is coming out to my place for lunch today. At two." I don't know why I'm telling him this, as though I owe explanations. "She might want to take the bus with you, then." "It's all right. I have my car with me..."

The Peacock 1407

They nmust be talking about something important, they all seem so deeply focused on their conversation. The glamorouw woman has a deep, booming voice. I think she's trans. But they haven't seen me and I don't want to interrupt their meeting. Respect, you know. And timidity. And...i really want to be alone right now and I especially don't feel ready yet to face Chuck, and just as I have made myself comfortable in one of the two comfy chairs by the end window I hear a familar voice saying, hello Christopher and the accent is unmistkbly Australian, and here is Chuck, now seated in the chair opposite

The Peacock 1406

I am out of coffee here, so it's going to be plan B. I can sit over a cappuccino and read more of Karen's gripping memoir. It isn't far. I just have to walk to Pender, then walk through Victory Park. It is still raining and I left my umbrella at home. Doesn't matter. The cool wet in my hair and on my head and steaming down my forehead is waking me up. Facing me from the other side of the park, the Beaux Artes Monstrosity of the Dominion Building, all yellow ochre and brick red with all the gaudy ornamentation of a heritage building in Mexico City. Really one of the most beautiful, if not the most beautiful building in Vancouver. On the other side of Cambie, the coffee shop, not too busy, just four peopple sharing a table by the window.Three of them i know, Chuck, Cynthia, and Nicole from Baked yesterday, plus a rather imposing woman exuding glamour and menace...

The Peacock 1405

How long have I been sleeping? It's noon. I still have two hours. I think I am going to move in here alone for a while. I didn't realise how tired I was. Three hours I've been here. Sleeping. I need to get away from Carl. I don't know what his mad plans are with me, but they are his plans, not mine. I suppose I could be in the house part time,because I also enjoy his company. And Francois. Not sure yet about the others. But too much, way too much drama. I want coffee. For now the question is, do I make coffee here or should I go to the coffee shop...

The Peacock 1404

The windows are festooned with shining rivulets as the rain falls upon the city. The street thirty-one floors below hardly seems to exist. Nothing else seems to exist outside of this secure, quiet private little space, one of thousands upon thousands of private little spaces one on top of the other, as far as the eye can see. Greta wasn't here very often. After our sex life proved to be a complete fiasco, there seemed little reason for her to spend a lot of time here with me. And so Erik and I could become close. Rather too close, maybe, but if there is anything I owe to my ex-wife then it would be the friendship of my brother-in-law. At least I understand now, I think, why she never appeared to be jealous or threatened. There was nothing between us for Greta to protect. But she seemed to have hidden motives for pairing off with me, which to this day remain obscure to me...

The Peacock 1403

Of course i know where I am going. At first I thought of New West to look again at the house that Carl just bought, but no, I really want to spend time in the apartment where I lived with Greta. i don't want it to stay empty too long. I might even use it as a refuge. I can't be with Carl and the others twenty-four seven It just isn't healthy. I need space. And time to figure out my future. What I am going to do. Unless my future is going to be so entwined with that of Carl and of Francois and who knows who else...

The Peacock 1402

"Are you sure." "It couldn't be anyone else. She paid us a courtesy call just three weeks ago. I was out having coffee with a couple of friends, but I felt a strange and powerful compulsion to go home. They were seated in the living room, the three of them and they had been quarrelling very loudly. When I came in I could hear Stella's voice shouting at Sven, "I know what you are, they know what you are, you know what your are. And it simply is not going to happen. And if you try anything this time, Sven, you know the consequences. I was standing by the door when she strode past me on her way out She stopped, and held me in her gaze for a few seconds, then said to me, Get out of here while you can. look for Carl in Canada. he will be with your brother-in-law. They will help you. Get out of here as soon as possible, and don't tell them you' re going. Do this for your own safety. Then she left. "Carl also knows this Lindstrom. He told me yesterday that he and Stella are of the same kind, but that Stella is stronger, and unlike Sven, has not given herself to evil." "that all makes sense", says Erik. "would you like to Skype with me tonight?" "That would be great." "I need to get driving for a while. Phone me if you want to talk some more, but give me an hour or so so I can be off the road and out of the car." "I'm feeling pretty tired right now, so I am going to go back to sleep. They just brought me my breakfast." "Talk later." "Bye.

The Peacock 1401

"Carl is a poor rich boy. He was born into inherited wealth in the Netherlands. When he was twelve his parents divorced. With his younger sister Melissa, he would spend summers at the mansion here in BC. His great grandfather built it near the First World War. When he was fifteen or sixteen he became a drug addicted gay prostitute in Amsterdam and was rescued three years later by a British transwoman sex worker. He got off drugs and returned to his mother who sent him and his thirteen year old sister back to the mansion where they stayed with their father who that same summer was killed under dubious circumstances. Carl and his sister feared for their lives and excaped. Back in Europe they lived with their mother in a Christian cummunity that she was leading in Switzerland. He studied jounralism and now publishes an online magazine. They returned here to Canada and took over the operations of the mansion and with help and oversight from a priest, turned it into a Christian retreat centre. And that is where we met two weeks ago." The British transwoman, did he happen to tell you her name?" "Stella." "I know her", says Erik.

The Peacock 1400

"I'm not going to try to convert you, if that's what you're worried about." "I'm more worried that I might convert myself. But maybe it's time. You know, it is hard to have religious faith in Sweden where everyone is atheist. But I will tell you this much. If I feel endangered around my sister and Lindstrom, I feel with you very safe. Very very safe." "Thank you." "Now, could you please tell me more about Carl. his background, what he is about?

The Peacock 1399

"How long have you known these guys?" "Would you believe, two weeks?" "What! No way man." "And we have been spending every single day together." And now I am feeling very weak and fatigued. "that is a lot. Too soon." "I agree. it is a lot too soon." "what about the other guy. The priest." "Francois? You know, he's still in his twenties. And he is the only adult in the room." "He is a priest. Is he gay?" "As straight as they come. And he is amazingly sane. I think we both depend on him to help keep us grounded." "You are sounding tired right now." And Erik is right. After two intense weeks like these ones, who wouldn't be? "Why exactly are you guys together?" "Act of God." "I don't believe in God." "And that, my friend, isn't my problem." "It's not a problem." "Look, Erik. I don't just believe in God. I know God. And I know that a lot of the stuff that has been happening in my life cannot be explained in any other way. Accept it or not, I don't care." "Sometimes i want to believe. especially with everything I've been through with Greta and Svend. In fact, how could they be so diabolical if there isn't also a counteracting divinity? i'm not really an atheist. I just don't know." "Are you willing to find out?" "That, Christopher, is the million dollar question...

The Peacock 1398

"Here I am." "What are your plans today?" "A bunch of people are coming over for lunch this afteroon, so I decided to make my escape while I could." "You have quite a crowd staying with you now." "Six altogether, including me. And they don't seem to want to let me out of their sight. Carl seemed to expect me to ask permission to leave the house this morning." "Be careful. It sounds like they want to control your life." "It's a little more complicated than that, but I also accept your concern. Carl is very possessive." "Is he your lover?" "No. But in a way yes." "You don't..." "Sleep together? No." "Do you want to?" "No. In some ways he's like you. Two lovely guys, and you have both become too much like family for me." "I guess you and I are family." There is sadness in his voice. "Erik, you are more than my brother-in-law. You are my brother. Period. And I cannot wait for your quarantiune to end so that you can comne and live with me here." "What about the others." "They will be all moving to the big house that Carl just bought in New Westminster. If he and Francois both want to stay with us in my father's house, that's also okay. But I'm not going anywhere...

The Peacock1397

How good it is to be alone in my car, behind my steering wheel, all alone and going wherever the hell I want. Except, I don't really know where i want to go. Here, on Marine Drive, above the notorious Wreck Beach, my phone is ringing and of course I am going to stop the car before I answer. I am a good and responsible citizen and I know the costs of distracted driving. It's Erik. "Good morning, brother-in-law." "Good morning Erik. How are you." "I was up all night reading the first book of the CS lewis trilogy, then went to sleep around four. Now I'm wide awake. Where are you?" "Above Wreck Beach." "Are you thinking of going down there." "No, it's chilly this morning and cloudy. Looks like it could rain. Do you need anything?" "I just need to talk." "What about?" "Anything. It is like a prison here. i just need to talk to someone...

The Peacock 1396

"Where are you going", says Carl. "I need permission to leave my own house?" "No need to get defensive, Chris." "I'm going out. I'll be back at two for lunch." "Where are you going?" "I don't know. And I don't care." I already stuffed Karen's book in my backpack, note book and a couple of pens. That should be sufficient. "Chris", says Carl as I whisk past him. "I'll phone you from wherever." "Where are you going." "Wherever" and I let the door close uncertainly behind me...

The Peacock 1395

Sarah picks up on the first ring. "Hello" "Hi Sarah, it's Christopher (I am still referring to myself as Christopher. I can live with Chris, but my father always called me Christopher. No matter what they call me, I will always be Christopher.) "Good morning, Christopher. Did you sleep well last night?" (She got my name right!) "Quite well." "And how about Jesús, is he being a problem?" Oh, yes, Sarah, you re the queen of tact. "All good. He's right here. Sarah, I was wondering if you would like to come over for lunch today at two. Carol too." "That would be lovely." "You see, Amanda, you remember Amanda? She wants to come over and so does Carl's half-sister, the nurse, Naomi, and someone I'd like you to meet. Oh, and Melissa will be here too." "This sounds important." "I don't know what is up, but I believe your right." "Okay. See you at two..."

The Peacock 1394

Carl's phone is ringing. He picks it up. "Hello?...Hi Naomi. Yes, fine, how are you?.. I think that would be okay. Let me check with Chris...Chris, Naomi wants to know if Cynthia, my cousin can also join us, they were just on the phone and she has time this sfternoon" "I don't see why not. I am just curious as to why." "I'll ask...Sure, she will be very welcome. But what's the occasion... Oh...Yes...I see. Okay, we will be waiting with baited breath"...he puts down his phone. "Apparently, some new evidence has been just uncovered that might help answer a few of our questions." His phone rings again..."Yes, Mel...I think that would be a great idea. It's about time you got out of there, even if just for a few hours. We will give you a royal welcome...In fact, lets see if later you can get out to Richmond to see mom with me. Okay, we'll talk then..." "Melissa too?" "You're okay with that." "Yes, it will be great to see all of them." "Sarah should also be here." "I'll call her", say I...

The Peacock 1393

"How does one turn down having sex with Dan Savage?" says Jeffrey. "Simple. I just told him you're disgusting. Fuck off. And then Stella came downstairs and told him to leave. "Did he still write an article about her." "Yes, but it was really nasty and vindictive, the old queen, and he wrote about what a pathetic waste of DNA Stella was and about the piece of drug addicted rough trade, me, she was banging in her canal townhouse. Having tons of cash at her disposal, Stella sued him and they settled out of court. He wrote a repentance article about her and afterward never said a peep." "That is very impressive", says George. Carl says, looking at his phone, "I just got a text from Amanda. She wants to bring Naomi with her." "Naomi?" say I. "My half-sister. The nurse who poked us for covid last week." "Sure, bring her along." "Poked by nursey", says George giggling wickedly

1392

"Geraldine Bang-Bang?" says Jeffrey. "What does she write about?" "Think of a kinder and gentler Dan Savage" says Carl. "You know about Dan Savage?" says George. "I happen to know Dan Savage", says Carl. "No way." "How did you guys meet", says Jeffrey. "Or is this anything the rest of us need to know." "Long time ago, when I was a teenage boy hooker along the canals of Amsterdam. He was in town to interview my friend Stella, a transwoman ho with boobs and a dick." "Stop right there", says George. "I think you have already provided us with plenty of details." "And in case you happen to wondering, O ye of little faith, absolutely nothing happened." "You turned him down?" says Jeffrey. "In a word, yes." And now Jesús is laughing is head off.

The Peacock 1391

"What's the plan today?" say I as we tuck into the cheese and mushroom omelette that Francisco and Jesús have just prepared for us. We are all at table now. It is cloudy and chilly today, threatening rain, so no one has ventured onto the patio. Says Carl, "I have just finished the article about Amanda. she wants to come out today and have lunch with me. I asked her about coming here and she has agreed." "What time" say I. "Two. Would that be okay. Sorry Chris, I should have checked with you first." "No worries." "Chelsea is coming over to cut our hair, yes?" wonders Carl. "She confirmed with me last night. "we could see if Amanda could stay for dinner and maybe they could meet each other." "Do you think that would be a good idea?" "Why wouldn't it be a good idea?" says George. "They might only want to encourage each other. I don't think you guys know the wyole story, but Chelsea writes a sex advice column under the name Geraldine Bang-Bang, and Amanda owns a sex and lingerie shop." "They would be simply wicked together", says George. "That", say I, "Is exactly what I am afraid of...

The Peacock 1390

"So" says George, while stirring his coffee, "What about our dinner guests last night?" "Chelsea and Dorothy", I reply. "It looks like they're our neighbours." "They wouldn't happen to be a couple", wonders Jeffrey. "Dorothy is the widow of Chelsea's mother, who passed away recently." "Ah yes", says George. "Now it's coming together." "Are we going to meet the tranny Anglican priest", says Jeffrey. "you mean transgender", corrects his husband. "Oh whatever. Everyone's so touchy these days", he says getting up. "Hey, where ya goin'" says George. "I am going to take off my nighty and make myself presentable." "But not in front of everyone." "Oh you're such a spoilsport", he says, lifting George's face by the chin and grinning wickedly into his face. "And now excuse me everyone while I clean up my act", says Jeffrey, sashaying out of the kitchen...

The Peacock 1389

"How are we for eggs?" "Serious? You want me to cook you an omelette? I will if we all want." "I help you", says Jesús, getting up and going to the fridge. "Yes, we still have egggs. At least twenty." "But they´re going to go pretty fast", say I. "We should do a grocery trip today." Jeffrey appears in the doorway, in a burgundy velour bathrobe. I can see the bottoms of his blue and white striped jammies. "I trust everyone slept well", he says, pouring himself coffee and seating himself where Jesús was just sitting. "And good morning to you too, Jeffrey", says Carl smiling. "Francois and Jesús are about to cook everyone an omelette." "Don't mind if I do." George comes out fully dressed in a navy blue polo shirt and beige tight-fitting slacks. "What are you doing still in your nighty", he says to his husband. "Sitting at table with these handsome men and feeing absolutely fabulous."

The Peacock 1388

One other thing in my dream", he says, now that the three of us are at table together munchng on toast and coffee. An egg. Big egg. With cracks, and blood coming through cracks." First a good swallow of bitter black coffee, to brace myself. And now, "What colour was the egg?" "Blue. Turquoise. Very beautiful turquoise. And bleeding throught cracks. "That is so intersting", says Carl. "Any other details." "One thing", says Jesús, pausing to spread peanut butter on his toast. "My fingernails. They were long, sharp, like claws. And painted black." "I also dreamed of eggs. Same color, turquoise", say I, but I am not ready to go into detail, this is just too strange right now, plus, it is rather early in the morning for strange. François comes in, silently, like a stalking panther, pours himself coffee and pops more bread in the toaster. "Good morning" says Carl. "Morning", he echoes. "Did you sleep well?" "Like a log. You?" "Tossed and turned. Not too bad. These two were dreaming about eggs." "Does that mean I should cook us all an omelette", says Francois, smiling...

The Peacock 1387

His hair is wet from the shower and he is dressed simply in a white T shirt and blue jeans. "Good morning, Jesús ", says Carl. "Good morning, Carl", he replies, and refusing to let me off the hook for not greeting him says emphatically to me, "Good morniing Christopher. Did you sleep well." "Pretty good. And you?"" "Dreams. Lots of dreams", he says sitting down next to me, across from Carl, who gets up. "Coffee and toast for you, jesús", he says. "Yes, please." To me he says, "I dreamed mostly with birds. Lots of birds. Pigeons, big black birds, crows, i think, seagulls, and the ocean, and I kept seeing this through the night." And now I am rememering a dream. A nest with four robins' eggs, but a more vibrant turquoise, and much bigger, like goose eggs, and one of them was cracking open, with blood flowing through the cracks. I am not going to mention it. Not yet, anyway...

The Peacock 1386

"What did you and Jesús get up to last night", he says, presenting me a plate with two slices of toast, followed by jars of peanut butter and jam. "Nothing." "You were in his room." Choking back a couple swear words, I reply with the utmost civility, "I was bringing him bedding." "And nothing else." "What were you doing spying on us?" "I noticed just when I was on my way upstairs. Chris, be careful with him. He has an agenda with you. It's all over him." "Yes", I reply, smearing strawberry jam on top of the peanut butter. "I know." "But nothing else happened"" "he stripped down to his underwear and lay on the bed expecting I'd join him." "And, did you?" "No. i kissed him on the forehead then went to my father's. I mean, to my room. I am not going to disgrace his memory like that, if that's what you are concerned about." "I'm concerned about Jesús. He appears to be hiding something." "He's hiding a lot", and now Jesús appears like a magical fairy, in the kitchen with us...

The Peacock 1385

I don't want to respond. Yes, I know I'm beilng churlish., but I should and will respond. Instead of faking an even cheerier good morning in response, I am already reaching for the bread and the word "Toast", trickles out of my mouth. "Yes please", he says. To this day, I have never known anyone who could be so relentlessly cheerful first thing in the morning. "Haven't you made coffee?" "Sorry", I forgot" I reply as i leave the bread next to the toaster and reach down in the lower cupboard for the coffee. "Here, let me", he says, pulling out the coffee maker. While reaching back for the toaster the loaf of bread falls from my hand onto the floor. "Sorry." I apologize reflexively, like any good Canadian "I..." "I'm sure the bread isn't offended", says Carl, reaching down to pick it up. "Why don't you sit down and I'll do it." "I..." "Chris", he says smiling, pulling my chair out from the table. "Sit. Brother Carl will take care of everything." "But", "Obey", he is standing by the chair with one hand on the back... Knowing I'm already defeated, I let myself slide onto the chair, secretly gratified, if also resentful, that Carl one more time is taking care of me...

The Peacock 1384

Shreddies for breakfast. Everyone else is still in bed. It's just six am and the newly risen sun already floods the kitchen. No one seems to be stirring. I do feel unexpectedly hungry for some reason. I imagine Carl will want us all to do something together today. I am just hoping I can sneak out of here early enough without drawing anyone's attention. Too late. The toilet is flushing, the downstairs toilet, and somreone is already up. Maybe he'll go back to bed. Now I think I hear the shower running. Well, maybe he'll take a long time. There is still time to escape. I'm still hungry. Another bowl of cereal? Naw. Toast. With peanut butter and strawberry jam. I haven't made coffee. How could I forget. "Good morning", announces Carl's cheery voice from behind, and now I am trapped...

The Peacock 1383

Three times with Chuck was enough. I don't care if it was a quarter century ago. i don't want to, I don't need to go back there. That was all the sex I would ever need. But I know I'm an exceptional case. It isn't guilt, or shame. What I had with Chuck was amazing, beyond amazing. But I can't go back there, not with Jesús, not with Carl, not with anyone. I think he is already starting to understand. Any affection between us, from this point forward, is going to be innocent. And it couldn't happen here anyway. Not here in my father's house. Not with Carl, Francois, George and Jeffrey present. We are a community now, and we have to start behaving like a community. I can just get through Lucy Pevencie's first journey to Narnia through the wardrobe, but now sleep is already trying to grab my attention. Soon I will be turning out the light...

The Peacock 1382

"I want to thank you for all your help today. i think you saved my life." "It's tragic that he died like that." "I don't know. He was a very bad man. He tried to rape Marlena...In fact, I think she lied about her student visa being finished. She did not feel safe there and wanted to go. And she is very homesick for Mexico." How long have you two known each other?" "We knew each other on the plane coming here. She liked me. I didn't know where I would stay, and she already arranged her apartment and asked me to stay with her. Very convenient for both of us. But she also knew that I like men and said she was okay, but I don't know." "Do you miss her?" "No. not much. She liked me more I think. But I am glad to me free", he says, stretching his arms above his head and yawning. "I think I should let you get to sleep." he pulls off his long sleeved T shirt, revealing arms not exactly thin and not exactly muscular. his left arm is adorned by a green, blue and gold tattoo that spirals concentricly like an Escher drawing up to his shoulder. He pulls off his socks, then takes off his jeans, revealing tight white underpants and an impressive bulge. He tumbles onto the bed lying on top of the covers. "This bed is very big. There is room for two", he says smiling. "Goodnight", say I, moving toward the door. "You go now?". I pause by the door, uncertain, but now I am opening it halfway. I am just about to leave, but turning back, I approach him quietly and kiss him on the forehead while he reaches up to hold me by my forearms. As I return to the door i look back and say, "goodnight Jesús." He smiles sweetly, like a child being put to bed and says, "good night friend." And as I flick the light switch, "Thank you..."

The Peacock 1381

"I'm going to bed " say I. "I go too" says Jesús, who preceeds me and now I hear the bathroom door closing. Just as well. I am in no hurry to get to sleep. First, I will rob from my father's library CS Lewis' Chronicals of Narnia. And here they are, all seven in vintage hardcover. And now it occurs to me that Jesús doesn't have any proper bedding. Yes, here in the hall closet. Sheets, blankets, pillows and pillowcases, all bundled in my arms. He is done in the bathtroom. "Jesús, here is something for your bed." He is just opening the door to the office, where he will be sleeping on the sofabed. We are well equipped here for overnight guests, and we have had many over the years. "Thank you very much", he says. "Here, let me make up your bed for you. There is a special trick to pulling out the bed." The sofa is bright red and covered by a white cotton bedspread jesús pulls it off and holds onto it while I gently pull out the bed. "I hope you find this comfortable", say I , laying on the bottom sheet. "It looks very nice. Thank you. I can help?" "It's okay, there's a chair in the corner if you want to sit down." He obeys, and soon the bed is made. "You have many books here." "My dad was quite a scholar. Do you read English okay?" "Better than I speak it." "Then you will find something interesting to read in bed." "You are going?" "Yes, i'm getting tired",, I lie. "five minutes to talk a bit?" He is yawning. "Okay, just five minutes", I am sighing, positioning myself on the edge of the desk, where I can sit alert, facing him in the corner...