Tuesday 26 September 2023

The Peacock 1012

 It was being married to Greta that triggered everything.  The third and last time we attempted sex.  It was going to be a failure.  She had initiated, once again, but I think more out of a sense of clinical curiosity.  That was how it was for her.  She looked at everyone and everything with that same cold, detached unwavering pale blue eyed gaze, as though the world for her was all contained in a petri dish.  I started crying, and continued crying like a baby, seated naked on top of the bed while she got dressed and left the room.  She went away and was gone for three days before I got a text from her in Sweden.  She had apparently gone first to a hotel here, then booked her flight and left.  Erik tried to be supportive, but mostly simply sat with me as I either cried or simply went so far into myself that nothing could retrieve me.  On my request, because I was feeling suicidal, he called 911.  He, as well as Dad, visited me every day I was in hospital for three weeks.  They got me on medications and when I came home I was feeling a lot calmer.  Dad wanted me to come home and stay with him, but I felt responsible for Erik, being alone without his sister.  When she returned a couple of months later, that was when she caught us both on the bed together, fully clothed, but sitll suspicious....

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